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The Uncreative Title : IPL

Wednesday, May 28, 2008
I am a kind of person who sleep-walks through most things in life. So I wasn't aware of the IPLs until I was jolted out of peacefully having dinner in office cafeteria one evening.

I was having my food, vaguely aware of some jingle playing on TV in the background.
Suddenly I HAD to look up when I heard
"Koi Chhakka, koi Chakka!
Kardey sabko hakka bakka,
Koi Chhakka!"

I think public ko 'Chauka' dene ke liye they deliberately introduced such'Chhakka' lyrics with shock value, and multiple meaning.
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Again, for the sake of completeness of this post, let me say once again the thing I said in my first post.
T is the 20th character of the English (or should we say Roman) alphabet.
So T20 makes an interesting name.
And it also makes an interesting game.
Yeah baby! T20 is the name of the game!
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Every time there is a break in the extremely exciting T20, Shahrukh 'hum-bhi-dude' Chacha comes to take it to the other extreme and make it extremely boring.
I am talking about the i10 car ad that flashes on the screen on Set Max every now and then.
To kill the boredom, inspired from the T-20 thing, I wondered if same applied to i10.
Naah. i = 9, not 10. Pfrr.
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Kolkata Knight Riders? Who the heck thought of such a name.
I mean I understand that knights ride horses. But what is a knight rider? Who rides a knight?
Maybe the nephews and nieces of knights?
"Chacha ghola baniye naa!"
"Uncle please play horse for me!"
I guess that's why they ended up looking like kiddos riding on the back side of Shahrukh Chacha's Vita-X Tonic-for-the-aged abs and did not make it to the semifinals.
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Here is a rule of thumb for bookies and game-blers :

Whenever you want to decide which team to bet on, don't worry about the nitty-gritty details.
Just think which team represents a logically larger geographical entity.

Earth is to be logically considered larger than continent groups like the Americas, Eurasia.
The continent groups are to be logically considered larger than any continent.
Continents shall be considered logically larger than countries.
Countries be deemed logically larger than states.
And states shall obviously be considered larger than individual cities.

In view of this, lets have a look at ICC cricket teams first
South Africa - Country
New Zealand - Country
India - Country
Pakistan - Country
England - Country
Sri Lanka - Country
West Indies - Group of tiny 'countries'
Bangladesh - Country
Ireland - Country
Zimbabwe - Country
Kenya - Country
Australia - Continent!

Australia always wins World Cup. Now you know why
I mean come on, how unfair can you get? Continent vs Country? Pffft!

Until now, people laughed at the truth of 'my rule' no matter how serious a face I kept when saying it. But now I have more evidence in the IPLs!

Lets look at the teams:

Delhi Daredevils - A city
Chennai Superkings - A city
Deccan Chargers - This not even an entity with a political boundary and unit of governance. Its just a vague geaographical region, a plateau to be specific, which even shares area with states of the other teams
Kolkata KnightRiders - A city
Mumbai Indians - A city (dont tell me 'Indians' means its about country. An Indian is a person, not a place. Further, countries play in ICC, not IPL cricket.)
Bangalore Royal Challengers - A City
Rajasthan Royals - A State!
Kings XI Punjab - A State !

So its quite obvious which two teams should be the top two and why!
And thats exactly how things stand as of today!

Based on this, a bookie's job should become very simple from now on. Be it any tournament, with no prior knowledge of strenghts and weaknesses of the teams, and even when teams are totally new, like IPL, you should look for the team representing the 'logically larger political entity' and bet. You and the team will surely win!

(Seems I am going to be in 'Jannat' soon)
(I am not responsible for any losses you suffer from implementing this rule.
You understand?
You 'bet'ter understand!)
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I think many of the Indian cheerleaders are such a waste.
Just 'cheering' because its their job. Looks more like they are obliging.
The 'cheerleader' guys especially look like such clumsy jokers.
And who are they here to cheer anyways? All the cricket players on the ground seem to be guys to me. I cant see a guy getting cheered by another guy waving pompoms and festoons.
Well if it is more like a guy buddy cheering in a "Phod ke aaja! Go get em' " way, its a different story. But pompoms and girly dance step? Bleaargh!
Oh well maybe these days even if a player hits a 'straight' drive, we can't really say anything about him huh? So better provide for all the possibilities I guess!
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Dhoni has become reduced in size it seems. (Ageing process?)
Earlier his body shape combined with a big helmet always seemed to me like a giant zoomed-in toddler. But now that he has thinned down or something, he looks more like a regular squarish human being.
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watch this -> <-space for more
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20 comments :

Urv said...

Nice theory fot the teams mate. I have one more theory:
The top 2 teams are KXIP and RR. They say, 'har kaamyaab insaan(team) ke pichhe aurat hoti hai'..

1)After Punjab lost the first 2 matches, Priety took a leaf out of her own Bollywood and started giving the Munnabhai-jaadu-ki-zhappi.. Ofcourse it feels much better when u get it from Pretty rather than somethin like the SRK gay hugs..

2)Rajasthan ofcourse have Warne. And his previous off-the-field controversies are an indication that there would be definitely more thab one women involved in RR's success. Success proportional to no. of women... Hence RR are at the top :D

Stupidosaur said...

Ya but KXIP defeated them. Thapatt!

Maryum said...

i wrote a long senseless msg kal for this post and thn net disconnent ho gaya and then mehmaan aagaye and then mera msg gayab ho ga and now i dont remember what i wrote..but then my father says k u dont remember sumthing it means its not important...

waisay loved ur theory.. showed it to cricket fanatic brother as well...he says nice...and loved urv's even more... aurat aur us ki games.... shahrukh shud have brot his wife or juhi chawla...chances badh jaate ya kam ho jaate?

Urv said...

@stupidosaur
Arre yaar, yest Shane did not play. woh sab team ki pichhe nahi, warny ke saath thi. :D hence the loss..

@maryum
Say hi to cricket fanatic brother. always good to come across ppl with similar fanatics :)

Stupidosaur said...

@ maryum, urv and bro.

Naah I don't beleive.
Chennai Super Kings ke peechche
to woh gol matol drummer aadmi tha, koi aurat nahin.

Waise to Katrina bhi Royal Challengers ko support kar rahi thi naa! Kuchh hua kya?

Shayad Dravid and co ko Mallaya ke Royal Challenge ka Kaif chad gaya hoga.!

Mumbai Indians ke peechhe bhi toh Mrs Ti na Thi na!

Yet such are the today's 'State' of affairs!

Maryum said...

@urv
i m a friends fanatic:D
can see it 24/7...nahi ye ziada ho ga.,, lets say 12/7 as i love sleeping more thn anything..so 12 hrs is a must.... hoping for its reunion episode...and will say hi to the fanatic bro..:)
loved the jawab on rr's defeat:D

Urv said...

~stupidosaur
Arre Katrina was not for the team. She was there for Mr. Malya.. :)

~maryum
Oh my gawd(Jenas' style) you also a F.R.I.E.N.D.S fanatic :D u know there are times when I think of the characters as real people in my life :)

Stupidosaur said...

@urv
//Arre Katrina was not for the team. She was there for Mr. Malya.. :)

Maybe she was there just for the maal ya?


//u know there are times when I think of the characters as real people in my life :)

sambhal beta nahin to tera bhi 'A Beautiful Mind' ho jayega

Aur tu 11 bajey se mere statcounter ke barah kyon baja raha hai?
30 clicks in 35 mins 10 seconds!
Aur koi koi post pe to tu sirf single digit seconds ke liye ruka hai jaise 4 sec, 7 sec. Padh liya itna jaldi?!


@maryum

ab mein kya bolega?
FRIENDS mere liye just another program hai. Which I used to watch when there was nothing better anywhere. Anyways mujhe cartoon network, nickelodeon, disney channel, HBO, Star movies, etc se fursat hi kahan milti thi star world channel dekhne ki!

Par kahir woh sab 'bachpan ke din thae'. Aajkal tow meri kholi pe TV hi nahin hai!

Maryum said...

@urv
i think of them as tv series k characters only.. but i use their lame jokes in real life.. and i lobe joey:D

@stupid
u ae funny:) and ur stat counter tells u even teh seconds one spends on onepost? very stalker life... what does it show about me? i have the foot post opened for the whole day during the whole last weel i guess...i love tom and jerry btw

luv
maryum
ps:flrprmhiv this is my pathetic verification code... they shud upgrade thier system..so that u can allow ur trusted ppl to comment without this bullshit
PSS: error aagya

Maryum said...

typos
very stalker like*
last week*
baaki sab chote mote typos hain.. so ignore them

Urv said...

~stupidosaur
//maal ya
ha ha :D

//A beautiful mind
mera mind to pehle se hi full of beauti fool hai..
I loved the movie btw..

~maryum
So u love joey.. okie.. so, 'how u doin' :D
yeah, tom n jerry is adorable..

//flrprmhiv
when I saw this word, I stopped reading further and assumed that u had made a typo n started wondering as to what u actually might have meant.. :D

Stupidosaur said...

@maryum
//i think of them as tv series k characters only.. but i use their lame jokes in real life

I wonder whether you consider stupidosaur as blog ka character only or as person in your real life ;) ?

You already said that you use lame stupidosaur jokes on your poor family members.

Tom and Jerry bachpan 3 saal pehle tak dekhta tha. But got bored then, because hamesha reruns aate thae.

And these days, like I said, no TV.


@urv
//mera mind to pehle se hi full of beauti fool hai..

beauti fool? you mean 'bimbos'?
How demeaning :P ( :) )

If you would have said,
"mera mind to pehle se hi beauti fool hai.", toh mein samajh sakta tha. But if it is full of beauti fool, what else do I conclude?

Stupidosaur said...

@urv
Oh wait I think you definitely meant what I concluded.

Tabhi toh tumney tumhari waali cricket theory banayee!

Urv said...

~stupidosaur
Your conclusion is correct. You get full marks in the lab assignment for the correct conclusion.

//And these days, like I said, no TV.

You can go for a tuner card if you have a desktop. Thats how we manage our daily beauti fool dose ;)

Maryum said...

@ stupid..
i use yr lame jokes and i consider you as a real person ...and when my inquisitive family ask k who told u about the foot thing or who told u out of ur mind joke.. i say, "hai ek stupid sa dost:D"
and "tom and jerry kids" bhi to bana tha baad main.. jis main tom and jerry used to talk as well... and woh dog ka beta bhi tha.. junior. did u see that? and i lovbe reruns of tom n jerry too.. tom n jerry is any day better thn ekta kapoor k krappy serials...

Maryum said...

@urv
////flrprmhiv
when I saw this word, I stopped reading further and assumed that u had made a typo n started wondering as to what u actually might have meant.. :D
that was funny.. phir kuch matlab nikla ya nahi ... and i like all characters....but joey is the favorite one... i m trying to download all seasons but its 29 GB and my pc hangs as soon as i start downlaodng it...

shub said...

Each snippet could be a post on its own!
"I mean come on, how unfair can you get? Continent vs Country" haha :D I like! NO wonder, they rule!

Stupidosaur said...

@Shub
//Each snippet could be a post on its own!

Yeah! So true!. In fact I was thinking of something on similar lines. I was about to make a policy decision to keep every post limited to three sentences.

Each post would be as per one of these templates:

1)Template for first 'post' on a 'subject':

(This is the first post of subject so-and-so.)
**SOME ACTUAL SINGLE SENTENCE**
(Please see the next post for continuation)

2)Template for any intermediate 'post' on a 'subject':

(This is the continuation of the previous post on so-and-so subject)
**SOME ACTUAL SINGLE SENTENCE**
(Please see the next post for continuation)

3)Template for last 'post' on a 'subject'

(This is the continuation of the previous post on so-and-so subject)
**SOME ACTUAL SINGLE SENTENCE**
(Congratulations for reading till the last post of the so-and-so 'subject)


This approach has so many advantages:

1)The total posts count will mushroom like mushrooms.
2)In order to complete reading any sucky post, the reader will have to navigate so many screens. So my blog hitcounter will bloom lot often than once in a bloomoon
3)Maybe I can convince some dumb fellow that all my posts are 3 liner Haikus!

Mads said...

@ the post....tooo damn fucking cool.
am a cricket fanatic and a friends fanatic :P

@ the comments... Urv's theory was damn cool
and maal ya?? maal ya??? maal ya???
ROFL.... :D
awesome post. fabulous.
*applauds*
blogrolling u btw....

Ketan said...

Not fair, not fair! 'Deccan' is also a region--much bigger than other states. :(

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