The name's Bhondu. James Bhondu.
On Her Majesty's 'Secret' Service.
Leak Ten State Secrets
Just State Ten Secrets
Now I would have definitely liked to blurt Ten State Secrets, but unfortunately I sold the Top Secret file to Doctor Evil, so I know none now. So let me choose option 2 and demystify and State Ten Secrets of the Boastin' Powers : International Reptile of Mystery!
1) Some of my friends actually called me James.
2) People get placed in companies because of academic merit built over time in their graduate course (and of course the interview). I got placed through campus recruitment precisely because I had FAILED in a few subjects at just the RIGHT time. No kidding. Might explain later ;)
3) I am presently living in my 13th 'home'. My 1st home (maternity hospital not including) ended up being my 10th home, and then 3 more....and...
4) I hate it when a barber cuts my hair. I have to sit totally helpless over there, be 'manhandled' by my chin and cheeks, with hair all falling in my eyes, getting sprayed by all sorts of liquids, sharp weapons bloodying the tender nape of my neck, being tightly packed inside that white 'robe', etc. Oh wait there is more. The barber actually expects me to talk with him about 'politics','films', and whatnot things I have least on my mind. Even expects me to join in and enjoy lewd jokes targetted at females. And!!!!!!!!!!For all this torture, I am expected to PAY him :-O!!!
The poor barber-taumatised little me! Sob! It was a never-ending childhood taruma.
The story remained the same for the babers near all of my first 10 'homes' mentioned above.
So my solution: I now cut my own hair. I have not entered a barber's shop in last 5 years (OK maybe once or twice in between, when some zombie spirit came over me and I lost voluntary control of my actions
(Did you see my smart online solution? Reptiles do't have hair!)
5) Some people in blogsphere beleive I am Gujarati. Truth is I lived in Gujarat for 5 years, and then went to another state. I gave Gujarati Subject as language in my board exams by special permission(class 10) while other ppl of my class took the standard language of that state. I mean how do you expect me to learn that other language starting from level of class 9, and then even give same subject exam in class 10 ('crucial' year in Indian academic life) next year?
So I studied class 9 & 10 privately for Gujarati and gave exams.
6) I've had 3 bicycles till date and no other vehicle. Colour of all three: 'Red'
The way I lost the first one was freaky. The bicycle had been rotting unridden outside my house for about 1 year then. It wasn't even roadworthy. But still out of nostaligia, I penned down a poem on 'My Red Bike'. At the end of it I gave the poem a twist that the bike gets stolen.
And that night when I went outside, the bicycle REALLY WAS NOT THERE! STOLEN!
It was rotting right there in the morning!!!!!!!!!
Actually it was one of the 6-7 poems that I penned in succession of 3-4 days. I had never written a 'poem' before that, nor have I written a complete 'poem' after that. There was something about those 3-4 days man! And imagine, that freak of a bike was probably getting stolen right when I was penning 'such an incident' in the evening!!!!
7) At on phase in my life I wanted to be a vet.
8) My 'pets' till date include
--Dogs (scores of them)
--Cats (quite a few)
--A male goat kid, raised for about a year
--Wounded doves 3 to 4 (at different times) - 1 grew fit to fly away in a week. Others died of natural or Cat-made causes.
--A sick baby crow which regained strength, but grew blind day by day. I don't remember how it died.
--a baby wall lizard (PAY ATTENTION MISS SOLITAIRE) , kept in a grilled enclosure not for any such noble cause, but just some childish thrill. (And fed mosquitos caught live by hollow of the hand and released in the enclosure through an opening after covering rest of the enclosure with polythene.
--snails and earthworms, caught in the backyard and kept in transparent boxes filled with soil
--overnight pet frogs, caught and kept in half filled buckets and releases in the morning
--a very big and old grasshopper, that came in one night and was too weak to
fly away the next day. So I brougt some small plants with good bushy foliage and planted them in a bathroom tub, and kept the the grasshopper in it. Fed it very small tomato pieces, radish piecs, and such vegetables which we cooked that day. In absence of internet 'in those days', I had no idea what it would eat. But it did do some 'nibbling' with its extremely wierd mouth on the tomatoes especially. And if you had not expected it, the underbelly or 'abdomen' (as the last part of the three parts of an insect is called) was extremely smooth and soft to touch! Silk or velvet does not even come close. (ok maybe close). It died in a week.(As I told you it was the BIG, biggest one I ve seen, lethargic when it came, and had probably become old and reached the end of its natural life)
Besides actually 'keeping' these, I have come in 'touch' with..
--a baby chameleon(PAY ATTENTION 'YOUR MAJESTY') in my backyard whom I sometimes took in my hand. But as it grew, it started looking at me with cold reptilian freaky stares, and even biting my thumb. So I "Let go. If they don't come back, they were never yours."
--baby house mice. belive my, the ultra pink, totally hair-free mice, just a few days old with tinye little hands and feet cuddled close to their body, and eyes no even opened yet are ultra cute to watch and keep on your palm.
--fur-ball baby squirrels, in a 'nest' made of cotton stolen from our mattresses in our electric meter box.
--while picking up snails and earthworms, I was about to absentmindedly pick up a thick black thing, when just 2/3 cm away from it I stopped realizing "Damn, its a snake". Later, the same rainy season I was to witness a black snake with its hood fully raised in all its glory in the same backyard. If the two snakes were the same, I was really lucky to have stopped 2-3 (3-4 maybe) cm short, and because that was near the tail end of the snake, and that it was busy 'passing by' and not just 'lying there' waiting to greet me.
--there were these particular type of hard-back beetles (about 1.5cmX1cmX0.5 cm dimensions)that visited indoors at night. It was fun to make it walk over books, newspapers,etc. Especially the fun was when it surprised you and took sudden flight with a buzzing sound. Another peculiarity was that sum of them had small things about less than 1mm cube in dimensions, crawling all over their underbelly. I could never figure out if they were its kids or parasites. They 'seemed' similar in shape (can't say because of the small size), but very lighter colour.
Maybe some more, but I think I have wearied the reader enough by now.
9) I really hate insects that bug me bad such as mosquitoes and flies and the huge headed 1.5 cm long black ants we get in India (and they were definitely aplenty at the place where I found the above creatures too. So I have elaborate torture techniques for them.
--I can catch mosquitoes mid air, and that too 'single-handedly' (Thats definitely skilled, if not 'brave' eh?)
--Mosquitos caught in such a way maybe a) drowned in water b) squished after catching c) fed to pet lizards when available (see pt of my 'pets' above) d) dissected apart limb by limb
--I get close to a mosquito and then flick it away with a harsh hit from the nail of my forefinger. No I don't squish it between the surface and my striking nail. Thats too boring. I 'flick' it away so hard that it gets squashed on impacting the opposite wall, or if it is a big fat one that has just fed on me, its tummy will simply burst open on impact with my nail, while it flies through air.
--When I was younger, lots of flies used to come in the house. So I used to carefully trap them in plastic bags, collect maybe about 50 or so in the bag, tie the bag firmly shut, and have fun with the 'live and humming baloon'. And then throw it away to let the flies die.
--The big black ants I mentioned used to bite little 10 year old me's feet often in rainy season. And their huge head's bite meant definite bleeding and a lot of pain. But the 'little fella' was not as innocent as he looked. He learnt how to catch these things by the body in such a way that they could not turn their head around to bite. But since they were caught, alarmed, in mid air, and restless to fight back, they kept their biting pinchers wide open, ready to quickly clamp on any thing within reach. So what did the little fellow do then? The meanie picked up another such ant and brought its neck in touch with pincers of the first. "Off with their heads!". Ant one cut the head off ant 2 in a flash and then kept it tightly in its grips (This tendency made it very painful to pull off an ant which bit you. It generally came off with a mm cube of flesh, and hence the bleeding, and of course hence my severe hatred). So I brought an ant 3, to bite off the neck of this ant 1. next ant 4 bit off the neck of ant 3 and so on. In this way I used to build chains of about 15-20 heads. Yeah I know. Humans are wicked. Onometopoea (Figure of speech:whole for the part or part for the whole).
10) Psssssst. I have many more secrets! Thats a secret between you and me alright? Tell no one about it ;)
See I am so generous, telling you even the eleventh secret....
11) All the above narratives and incidents are absolutely true. They happened to me.
If you have actually read till here and have not realised this is a tag where I say my 10 secrets , then you are tagged.
If you have not read till here, or if you realised this is a tag, go dance! No tag for you