'The Mystery of Life and Afterlife'.
The body of the post is also a nonsensical excercise in mockery of such concepts.
Do you know where souls come from? Well souls are just like soles of shoes. Up there somewhere, there is this huge machine that makes souls. It produces them continuously and systematically dumps them on a conveyor belt. Just like a pair of soles pass over the assembly line and get fittend on their respective two new shoes, these souls from the conveyor belts are put in new goody-two-shoes human beings.
The production capacity of The Soul Plant is fixed. Since the days of Adam, the same number of souls are being produced every month. I did not miss out Eve above by mistake. Eve was the second soul or so says that book. So the production is going on 'since the days of Adam' and not 'since the days of Adam and Eve'.
The Manager of the Eden, the garden restaurant had planned things out in such a way that the number of souls produced by the Soul Plant equally matched the number of souls getting disposed off by Moksha, Nirvana and such channels. The Manager also appointed special Witch Doctors to ensure the successful execution of this plan. Actually these Witch Doctors were three-in-one value-resources. Their day job was to mend the soles with their needles and sutures.
In the evening they sterilised the same needles and sutures and mended soles of people's feet.
Actually the reason why the these soles needed to mending in the evening was because of the rough handiwork of the Witch Doctors on soles of shoes during day. After this evening job, the Witch Doctors usually went to sleep. Their early morning twilight job was to mend souls of the people and ensure Nirvana. It goes without saying that here too they used the sutures and needles. Don't ask me why or how. I am still here. That proves I haven't gone through their Nirvanous doings. So I don't know.
The Manager had put up signs everywhere in the garden "Do NOT eat the apples!".
But one day somebody did. So all the Witch Doctors went away. The input output balance of Souls went totally out of control. The Soul Plant could not be slowed down.
They often sarcastically compare how Noah's Ark built by ameteurs survived, while Titanic did not
The ark was built by amateurs ...
The Titanic was built by professionals.
Actually the ark was a successful prototype, because everything went according to Manager's Plan. Plus by the time they got around to building the ark, the so called amateurs had gained a considerable experience over the years. But this Soul Plant was their first project as freshers. Holy Manager too had assumed that all His reportees would always follow all His instructions. So under this assumption, and because of not having done an MBA, He could not foresee the Apple -Witch Doctor Crisis until it actually occurred. So he missed out specifying that a Slow Down or Stop button was needed in the Soul Plant. And without the experience, the really amateur amateurs could not think of it either. In fact someone did point it out when the Plant got built halfway through. But the Top Managers needed delivery fast and the concern raised was suppressed quietly. In fact, the marketing and PR department touted the absence of Stop/ Slowdown button as a positive feature instead. They said that it was this feature that would ensure that the Universe runs perpetually, without stopping!
So the juggernaut* of Soul production continued. Souls entered this world at the same rate.
Previously, humans born as goody-two-shoes with new souls were allowed to do anything they wanted (except of course eat the apples). The Witch Doctors ensured that the ones not eligible for Moksha on their own also managed to attain it after their procedures and rituals. But now there were no Witch Doctors left. At least no authentic ones. But out of inertia, people still continued to do whatever pleased them. So very less number of Souls were found eligible for Moksha every year. Most flunked the test year after year. When people died, the bouncers kept their Souls out of the Club Nirvana, because most did not have valid a VIP (virtuous innocent pious) pass. New people kept coming with new souls made in the Souls Production Plant. They too died. No Moksha again. So the souls kept on accumulating on the garden. Since all other trees were assigned for People, The souls hung on to Peepul trees. Over time, the living found it too creepy to go about their normal lives as there were so many dead living around them.
They filed a Public Interest Litigation stating that it is totally unfair that humans should suffer the spooks because of the mistakes of The Manager and His Amateur Engineers of the Soul Plant. The defendant's attorney initially argued that it was a human who monkeyed around the garden and ate the apple. So its fair that humans suffer because of that.
But then better judgement prevailed in the end. They found Him guilty of Gross Oversight in a Position of Responsibility. But by now he had done his MBA, so he found a shrewd solution to be pardoned from any punishment. He proposal was like this
" I, the One who always uses capital letters to begin all the pronouns referring to Myself even when the pronoun is something other than 'I' and even if it is mid-sentence, hereby solemnly apologise for My Gross Oversight in a Position of Responsibility in reference to the Apple Witch Doctor Crisis arising out of Design Flaws of the Soul Plant.
All those of the current generation, who had to suffer the spooks of the other's souls (apart from their own) because of my mistake, I apologise to thee.
Unfortunately, the management is not in a position to do anything about the Soul Plant.
It has no Off or Slow down switch, which we can use every now and then to compensate for the Souls Surplus.
We also cannot cut the power supply to the plant to stop the production periodically. In case of such abnormal shutdowns, the Plant will take a long time to restart. In that much time, the present generation of humanity will have died out, and in absence of new soul supply, humanity will become extinct. We cannot allow that.
However, do not fret. Do not panic. There is a solution. Currently the Physical Moulding Plant makes the number of humans that exactly match the output capacity of Soul Plant. Each soul made there gets used as raw material in making one physical human. What we propose, is to increase the capacity of Physical Moulding Plant periodically, by adding new production units to it. The old production units will continue to receive the raw materials from the Soul Plant by usual channels. For new production units, the Soul supply lines will be setup from the Peepul trees where the unfreed souls gather.
Every year, new souls are churned out by the Soul Plant. Only few manage to sneak into the Club. The remaining ones will be taken up by the new production units. They will be fitted into new human beings. The human beings with the fresh as well as recycled souls will be dispatched to the garden. Again when they will all die, the number of souls newly available for recycling will be the perviously recycled ones and the previously fresh ones. Again we will increase the production capacity of Physical Moulding Plant by the number of Souls created by Soul Plant in one batch. So with this new capacity, we will once again be able to recycle the newly unfreed souls as well as use all the fresh manufactured souls. This way, by adding production each year to Physical Production Plant, we can perpetually go on solving the Souls Surplus Crisis!
Folks, this proposal was unanimously accepted by all parties involved as the only solution, the only path. And so it is being followed since that fateful day.
And now you can understand why...
1) We are witnessing a population explosion:
This is because every year, the Soul Plant is churning out its stipulated capacity. Not as many get moksha. They get converted back to humans using the annually increased production capacity of Physical Moulding Plant.
2) So many youngsters are such brats:
In earlier days, babies came with fresh souls from Soul Plant. So they were as innocent and goody goody as.....erm...babies. It took a long time for them to turn notorious. But now, so many kids are born with the souls that could not enter that Club in the first place. So obviously....
3) These days you do not see that many ghosts around:
After the Apple Witch Doctor Crisis and before the PIL was filed and the solution was arrived, the souls kept accumulating in the garden. So you hear so many 'authentic ghost stories' from the olden days. But these days, the ghost 'freshers' are immediately absorbed back into the system thanks to the ever increasing number of production units. So you don't come across many on bench...oops I mean on Peepul trees scaring people in this modern world.
Phew! See, creating mythology, that perfectly 'explains' so many things 'so consistently' is so easy! And that too using a setup of any given age or era.
And still people believe such 'stories' given in all sorts of religious books and claim that they match with 'historical evidence!'
Actually, its just that in olden days, nobody was interested in buying fictional Harry Potters.
So the smart JK Rowlings of the yore channelised their creativity to mythology and at the same time gained status in the society by sounding all 'holy'.
"How to lose fifteen pounds fast!"
It will come in a transparent plastic package.
Shopkeepers will be instructed to allow customers to open it only after they buy it.
All its pages will have the words
"Congratulations! You just lost fifteen pounds! That was indeed fast wasn't it?"
(The book will be priced at £ 15 per copy)
Some walk the Earth.
Words can deceive without lying
Confused? Let me put it this way. There is this lemon. There is sugar. And there is salt Then lets assume there are some standard sensations in every person's the brain. Though this post, in a way, is actually questioning such an assumptions. Lets call these sensations A,B,C. Now we call three fellows 1,2,3 When 1 tastes lemon , he gets sensation A. When 2 tastes lemon , he gets sensation B. When 3 tastes lemon , he gets sensation C. Whenever 1 got sensation A, he always heard people say 'sour'. Whenever 2 got sensation B, he always heard people say 'sour'. Whenever 3 got sensation C, he always heard people say 'sour'. So even though the trio had sensed a different taste on tasting the lemon, they all agreed that the lemon was 'sour'! Similarly, for 'sweet' , 1 always got sensation B, 2 got C and 3 got A. But they all still call sugar 'sweet'. Reason? Its the external protocol they have associated their respective internal sensations with! And nobody would get wiser to this mismatch, because the consistent external protocol would make them all feel a smooth illusional seamless sameness of perception. Hello fellow! We are same! We all feel salt is salty! Hooray to us!
But what happens when I have a sensation inside me that I have never correlated with any outside word over my life?
How do I express myself then?
And even if I do express it in some way, how do I know you recognized it for what I meant it to be? -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
OK the point of the post is made and done with. Let me give you one more example to explain the concept in case the example above was still confusing.
This time, to simplify, lets move outside of ourselves and our perceptions and salt,lemon and sugar. We will use an analogy
Switch 1 - Salt
Switch 2 - Lemon
Switch 3- Sugar
Lets replace three minds with three rooms.
And three conciousnessess inside the minds with three persons in the room.
Now, an electrician has made connections in this way:
When switch 1 is pressed a red bulb glows in room1, yellow bulb in room 2, a green one in room 3.
When switch 2 is pressed, a yellow bulb glows in room1, green one in room 2, red one in room 3.
When switch 3 is pressed, a green bulb glows in room 1, red one in room 2, yellow one in room 3.
In the ‘learning phase’,
When a 4th person presses switch 1 and says “Guys, the light you see in your room now is s1 light, the 3 persons take a note of it.
Similarly he presses switch2 and switch 3 and ask them to take a mental note of s2 and s3 light.
Next, in the exam phase,
Person 4 presses switch 1 and asks which light do thay see, all 3 answer “S1 light!” even though person 1, 2 & 3 are seeing red,yellow and green lights actually!
Think different light colours as different taste sensations of three persons to the same ‘switch’ salt!
Hmm could this be the reason why some people like salty more, some sweet and some sour? They all like the same sensation, but its produced in them by different substances!
Suppose everybody actually likes green light ‘sensation’. Still person 1 will like ‘S3 light’ more, person 2 will like ‘S2 light’ more and person 3 will like ‘S1 light’ more in the example above!!
The Stage :
Dinner plates on the table.
IPL match on the Cable.
(Yes my office canteen has TV! :))
A Stupidosaur and a Human.
Kings XI Punjab made a 221 in 20 overs.
Rajasthan Royals are chasing 222 to win.
1 wicket already gone in the beginning. Runrate is lot below the required.
2nd wicket falls!
Stupidosaur : Kya lagta hai, hoga?
Human : Nahin. Mujhe nahin lagta.
Stupidosaur : Arrey hoga na. Kyun nahin hoga? Kuchh toh zaroor hoga. Kya honae ke baarey mein poochh raha hoon yeh meine kab bataya? Hoga? Obviously hoga! Kya hoga? Kya malum!
Human : $#@^%#@&!
I was having my food, vaguely aware of some jingle playing on TV in the background.
Suddenly I HAD to look up when I heard
"Koi Chhakka, koi Chakka!
Kardey sabko hakka bakka,
I think public ko 'Chauka' dene ke liye they deliberately introduced such'Chhakka' lyrics with shock value, and multiple meaning.
Again, for the sake of completeness of this post, let me say once again the thing I said in my first post.
T is the 20th character of the English (or should we say Roman) alphabet.
So T20 makes an interesting name.
And it also makes an interesting game.
Yeah baby! T20 is the name of the game!
Every time there is a break in the extremely exciting T20, Shahrukh 'hum-bhi-dude' Chacha comes to take it to the other extreme and make it extremely boring.
I am talking about the i10 car ad that flashes on the screen on Set Max every now and then.
To kill the boredom, inspired from the T-20 thing, I wondered if same applied to i10.
Naah. i = 9, not 10. Pfrr.
Kolkata Knight Riders? Who the heck thought of such a name.
I mean I understand that knights ride horses. But what is a knight rider? Who rides a knight?
Maybe the nephews and nieces of knights?
"Chacha ghola baniye naa!"
"Uncle please play horse for me!"
I guess that's why they ended up looking like kiddos riding on the back side of Shahrukh Chacha's Vita-X Tonic-for-the-aged abs and did not make it to the semifinals.
Here is a rule of thumb for bookies and game-blers :
Whenever you want to decide which team to bet on, don't worry about the nitty-gritty details.
Just think which team represents a logically larger geographical entity.
Earth is to be logically considered larger than continent groups like the Americas, Eurasia.
The continent groups are to be logically considered larger than any continent.
Continents shall be considered logically larger than countries.
Countries be deemed logically larger than states.
And states shall obviously be considered larger than individual cities.
In view of this, lets have a look at ICC cricket teams first
South Africa - Country
New Zealand - Country
India - Country
Pakistan - Country
England - Country
Sri Lanka - Country
West Indies - Group of tiny 'countries'
Bangladesh - Country
Ireland - Country
Zimbabwe - Country
Kenya - Country
Australia - Continent!
Australia always wins World Cup. Now you know why
I mean come on, how unfair can you get? Continent vs Country? Pffft!
Until now, people laughed at the truth of 'my rule' no matter how serious a face I kept when saying it. But now I have more evidence in the IPLs!
Lets look at the teams:
Delhi Daredevils - A city
Chennai Superkings - A city
Deccan Chargers - This not even an entity with a political boundary and unit of governance. Its just a vague geaographical region, a plateau to be specific, which even shares area with states of the other teams
Kolkata KnightRiders - A city
Mumbai Indians - A city (dont tell me 'Indians' means its about country. An Indian is a person, not a place. Further, countries play in ICC, not IPL cricket.)
Bangalore Royal Challengers - A City
Rajasthan Royals - A State!
Kings XI Punjab - A State !
So its quite obvious which two teams should be the top two and why!
And thats exactly how things stand as of today!
Based on this, a bookie's job should become very simple from now on. Be it any tournament, with no prior knowledge of strenghts and weaknesses of the teams, and even when teams are totally new, like IPL, you should look for the team representing the 'logically larger political entity' and bet. You and the team will surely win!
(Seems I am going to be in 'Jannat' soon)
(I am not responsible for any losses you suffer from implementing this rule.
You 'bet'ter understand!)
I think many of the Indian cheerleaders are such a waste.
Just 'cheering' because its their job. Looks more like they are obliging.
The 'cheerleader' guys especially look like such clumsy jokers.
And who are they here to cheer anyways? All the cricket players on the ground seem to be guys to me. I cant see a guy getting cheered by another guy waving pompoms and festoons.
Well if it is more like a guy buddy cheering in a "Phod ke aaja! Go get em' " way, its a different story. But pompoms and girly dance step? Bleaargh!
Oh well maybe these days even if a player hits a 'straight' drive, we can't really say anything about him huh? So better provide for all the possibilities I guess!
Dhoni has become reduced in size it seems. (Ageing process?)
Earlier his body shape combined with a big helmet always seemed to me like a giant zoomed-in toddler. But now that he has thinned down or something, he looks more like a regular squarish human being.
watch this -> <-space for more
Sanity was running out. He had a split personality.
So he wrote...
If a split second is a lot less than one second,
why is a split personality more than one personality?
"Hey...you...geroff! The place is mine!"
**Blitzkrieg leaves Stupidosaur dazed , for now**
"Oh no you won't....I am still here"
**A push...long silence of the wind...then a distant thud**
"Buzz off doberMan. You got no tail! The credit is rightfully mine!"
**two feet with arched heels scurry off tucking the hypothetical tail between the legs**
(Stupidosaur, the all time favourite, finally wins!)
मांगो तो मिलेगा ना !
अरे पर क्या मिलेगा?
अरे वही जिसे अभी अभी अंग्रेजी से हिन्दी में बदला !
"Why English is so hard".
Then again when I changed schools, went to another state where the syllabus was different, I learnt the same poem in class 5 or 6 (or maybe 7).
I say 3 or 4 , or 5 or 6 (or maybe 7) because I do not remember the year. I just remember it by the schools where I learnt it, and by the teachers who taught it to me.
But Hindi is equally competent in that respect.
If this is correct,
दोपहर के बाद श्याम आई
then , how can this be correct too:
दोपहर के बाद श्याम आया
Darn it ! Lets forget the perplexing matter and go watch the movie.
"सुहानी, श्याम, और एक श्याम सुहानी"
Oh did you say I'll have to make it first?
Then forget it!
Aaj Shaam Hote Hi Chinmai ne bola 'Shyam' nahi 'Shaam' Hota hai.
Tab pata chala ki Shaam Hoti Hai. Aur Shyam Hota Hai.
CHINmai is right.
Galat thi meri Hindi! Yeh post tow nikli CHINdi!
A totally unintentional shyam. Errm...I mean sham.
I blog about thoughts.
Because of similar reason.
The lives blogged about are not all interesting.
Neither do the thoughts have to be.
It seems life too existed on the surface of the planet, before it was destroyed by some mysterious extra-planetary forces. Scientists labelled the destruction as "Hand of God" phenomenon.
But Maradona's fans all over the universe have severely protested to the use of the catch phrase "Hand of God" for anything non-Maradona. This controversy, and detailed analysis of the evidence led Scientists to relabel it as "Finger of God" phenomenon instead.
This discovery has also shaken up another hornet's nest back on Earth. Some factions are now of the opinion that humans directly evolved from such insect-like life from outer space. This is because the circulatory plasma found squished out of the dead alien resembles very closely to that of humans!
If this gets confirmed, it will be a severe blow to the theory that Himesh and Imran are the missing links in the human evolutionaty ladder.
Getting over the initial disappointment of finding the last life form on the planet surface DOA (Dead on (their) Arrival) (or was it dead because of their arrival?), Scientists decide to investigate for life forms deeper in the belly of the planet.
And they did not have to work very hard for the prize. They discovered strange red coloured plant life in a crater so large that it was visible to the naked eye right from Earth.Alas these last life forms from the belly of the planet are now gone into belly of a Non-planet!
I know a picture is worth a thousand words. But from a lazy duffer like me about forty are enough.
[And for best appreciation of the picture, increase the brightness/contrast of your screens if insufficient]
Then why not rickshaw drivers?
So what shall we call them?
How about autopilot?
( This morning, I was undergoing the normal routine of going to office.
So basically I was like a zombie on autopilot, and also remotely aware of it. Only as remotely as a zombie can be aware of anything at all.
Suddenly...a confluence of thought...
Mind on autopilot!
Eyes on autopilot!
Yeah thats exactly what my eyes which were on autopilot were actually on!
The Pilot of an Auto!
They stare back, unchanging.
I wonder at my anonymity.
The anonymity of being Stupidosaur.
Even more, about the anonymity of Stupidosaur himself.
"They don't know...who is he...." (Ek Ajnabi)
Its more like,
"They dont know...is he?" (The sequel: Totally Ajnabi)
But someone who read my blogs reminded me on orkut, that even if I cant scratch my head, it does not mean I cant think. After all it isn't like only cats have tails. Reptiles have it too!
So I put my long tail on the table, put a heavy book on the tail, and started walking to and fro in the room.
(Stupidosaurs dont have fine, continuous, voluntary control of their tail. They can use it only to floor somebody in a swift Thapatt! Hence we need the clumsy ritual above to move the tail relative to the body. )
(Some important points I just remembered in this context:
This ritual originated ages ago out of the severe need and desire of stupidosaurs to think.
As evolution proceeded along multiple paths, some evolved beings like cats developed finer voluntary control over their tails in order to get rid of the clumsiness associated with thinking by the above method.
Some other beings like humans misinterpreted it. They thought that the 'thinking' was the result of the part of walking to and fro in the room, and not because of tail movement. So they got rid of the tail itself and simply pace up and down the room when they need to do serious 'thinking'.
Hah! The fools. Little did they know, that though pacing up and down helps in 'thinking', a tail is very necessary to do 'balanced thinking'. Just like a kangaroo uses its tail to keep balance when hopping around.
After all, what do you think caused so may wars? So many tyrannical rules in human history! So many crimes and atrocities! Greenhouse effect! Pollution! And whatnot! Why do you think the Earth is slowly dying at the hands of humans? Its simply because without the tails, the humans have the 'thinking' but no 'balance'! If only they had kept their tails!)
Just as I was getting carried away in these thoughts while getting carried away from the table, a lug at my tail (remember the heavy book on it?) brings me back to earth. (So now you see how the tail and the ritual practically help keep the thoughts in check and balance?)
So now I focus back on thinking about how to get rid of my anonymity, my unknownity.
(Dont go for my neck the regarding grammar. The Stupidosaur neck is so thick, that you would not be able to clasp it half way round, even if you would use your longer limbs for it. Forget about mere hands. Even if there's no such word as 'unknownity', I like how it means and sounds like 'anonymity'. Even more so in the sense I want to convey)
Ah another lug on the tail. Focus. Focus.
Lets see the options:
Till yesterday, Google God only told me about the blogs where Stupidosaur had commented. All search results were like...Stupidosaur said so and so...commented so and so...on such and such's blog. Plus it also had an entry that went like this...
Ultimate Metal Forum - View Single Post - how efffffffing cute is ...
Anyway, look at where this dinosaur was found. I think it's fucking racist. What's next, the Lazysaurus from Africa? Stupidosaur from Poland?www.ultimatemetal.com/forum/819347-post8.html - 12k - Cached - Similar pages
(Oh no this site was supposed to be for family viewing. Thats already ruined by the result quote above!)
Also I cant take a look at the mentioned page cos its blocked from where I am surfing. Anyways the page does not matter. The point is, till yesterday, google result for 'stupidosaur' had nothing about this blog.)
At least today, it has a new entry
Blogger: User Profile: Stupidosaur
Stupidosaur. Occupation: Pre-occupied; Location: India. Why does the taste of pennies remind you of losing a tooth? The taste of penny is so good, ...www.blogger.com/profile/14440677810342540223 - 5k - 18 hours ago - Cached - Similar pages
But still no results about this actual blog.
I guess it will have to wait till the Google bots actually get around to it huh? Till then forget Google. Anyways, who is going to search for an odd word like 'stupidosaur' on Google even when the page starts showing in search?
2) So lets explore 'networking' instead.
I comment at a few posts. Someone finds some comment interesting, clicks on my blogger profile, and from there (hopefully) comes to my blog. This is one good method. In fact some beautiful blog friendships have already resulted from it. Its just like pen-friendship, only faster. But the drawback is that only postal employees could snoop on letters to your pen-friends, here any one can :(
Plus from the point of view of making your blog known, its not very effective. After all how many people would actually notice one measly comment amongst the multitudes?
Another downside is very subjective. It applies to me, may not apply to you. I dont like to comment just for the sake of commenting, or for the sake of making myself 'known'.
(There is good bitchy analysis about commentors here.) I comment only when the blogger is amongst my favourite, or my friend, or if I really have this urge to say something particular about the topic of the post. So my blog isn't gonna go places that way. (Anyways what difference does the blog going anywhere make?)
But lets say even if it does not make any difference to me, the matter of whether my blog is known or not, is important for the sake of the two counters you see on the right. Who knows, if the counters dont get 'job satisfaction', they might desert my blog page. Since I do not pay them, for them counting is 'job satisfaction', and job satisfaction is all that 'counts'!
(Lug at my tail again, just in time. Bless you tail. Bless you book!)
OK so its decided. For whatever reasons, the blog needs to be popularised. Lets look at more alternatives
3) From my own personal experience, I know that in my Statscounter, I am always tempted to see the
a) page from which a visitor reached my blog.
b) physical place from which the person came.
b) only satisfies curiosity
-is useless if the person came from my blogspot comment. cos the path is
blogspot page (with my comment in it)->my blogger profile->my blog, so I can never know which original page led to me, since 'came from' just shows my blogger profile. Unless of course I guess based on the country,city of the IP.
-is useful if the person came from some other blog platform comments, eg the blog of this friend on wordpres. But it has no suspense. I already know the page where I commented.
-is very very useful if anybody has blogrolled me or saved my link say like in their google reader, and came through that link.
The third kind of scenario makes me invariably click back on the page which lead to my page (its link shows in Statscounter)
Based on this, stupidosaur thinks reverse: What if I blogroll people and go to their site from mine? Then just like me, they will always be tempted to follow their statscounter or similar link back to my page, at least once and come to know that there is actually something like http://saying-private-yarn.blogspot.com/. But hey I dont have that much place on my sidebar. And I dont really want to have just any jacko in my blogroll list do I?
So what is the option: Here finally comes the trick the title is talking about.
Add any blogger you come across in your blogroll.
Click on this new blogroll link once.
That will get the url of your page in that person's Statcounter, which will very likely be followed back to your blog!
Immediately after going to that blog, delete its link from your blogroll! Muhuhuhuhahahahhaahah! (Extremely evil laughter)
So am I going to implement this mean trick?
First, I am not 'thaaaaaaaaaat cheap'!
(Does that mean I still am thaaaaat cheap? (see how there are fewer 'a's :-) ))
And besides, I do not want the victim of that trick to come here and read this post do I?
If the victim bloggers see it, do you think they will visit again?
So as long as you find this post on this blog, you can be sure I am not indulging in its execution :)
Yes but if one day you find the post gone, you know why ;-)
Then it will be fun!
Blogger Dumb-el-Dork opens his Statcounter.
"Hmm someone came to my blog from http://saying-private-yarn.blogspot.com/."
"Wonder who linked me..."
"Gotta check it out!"
"Waaaaaaaaow! This blog has such an other worldly feeling!"
"Lizards lurking in the ghostly catacombs...ooh so thrilling!"
"Bollywood jokers' parade. Wow I never saw any of them this close. Its a whole new perspective!!"
"Diamonds! Ooh! I am rich!" (Dumb-el-Dork doesn't realise they are fake gems)
"Whatta place man! Whatta palce! As a bonus I can play with kittes whenever I like"
"Or even have kitty parties with Vidya and Preity! My dream come true!"
Just then Dumb-el-dork has the profound revelation about tail-under-book ritual. He immediately changes his flawed ways. Grows a tail. Places book. Paces up and down.
Immediately...there is a lug at his tail....
"Oh heck what was all that nonsense I was just thinking? What the hell am I doing here anyways? Oh yeah I was linked. Lemme look around where is that link is.."
*removes tail from under the book, to be able to search a wider perimeter*
*look look* *scratch scratch* *look look*..*scratch*...you get the drift right?
"Unreal man! This is unreal! (like that RJ that Cyrus plays in Rang De Basanti) I cant see any link and yet someone came to me from here! Oh this place is divine! Supernatural! Gotta bookmark it!"
*Notice that his tail is not currently tucked under the book. So Dumb-el-dork is unable to think out the true secret of the mystery*
(End of scenario)
For now, I am not going to use this trick. Am working on adding some more 'a' s to 'thaaaaat cheap' that I am.
However, if you are already 'thaaaaaaaaaat cheap', and have managed to come and read this without me using that trick on you, feel most welcome to use it ;-)
"Yeh haseen Wadia..." from Roja.
When she is Preity cross with him, perhaps she will sarcastically call him "Your Royal High Ness".
Oh and what if one day she accidentally or deliberately lochs oops I mean locks him indoors? Will he act like a Loch Ness Monster when she returns?
Or will he call her a Loch Ness Monster instead from that day?
Wait we are talking about the super rich here. May be he will build a whole City, complete with a cricket stadium, for meeting her bare NesseCities of life!
Stupidosaur : I can prove that you are insane
Me : Hows that?
Stupidosaur : Answer me, is your mind inside you?
Me : Sure thing!
Stopidosaur : Since your mind is inside you, that means... YOU ARE OUT OF YOUR MIND!
(this is an adapted version of a joke of mine written in my diary as a banter between two friends)
Why the heck was I born?
What the hallelujah (why use 'hell' just to fill the sound and grammar sequence huh?) is the point of life?
Would me and the world have been better off without meeting each other?
What the scale-of-the-taloned-claw am I doing amongst these homo sapiens?
But then even in the deepest valleys of depressive thoughts I have this springy brook of funny sparks bobbing up out of nowhere.
Q: Why is the most important decision of a persons life never in the person's hands? The decision as to whether the person should be conceived and brought into the world.
A: Because when the decision was made, the person had no hands!
1. While sitting at your desk, lift your right foot off the floor and make clockwise circles.
2. Now, while doing this, draw the number “6″ in the air with your right hand. Your foot will change direction …..And there’s nothing you can do about it! ”
I tried. And failed first. I used to think only humans suffer from such idiosyncrasies. I was devastated to realise that Stupidosaurs are equally unevolved!
A: The record of longevity. You need to be pretty old to make it!
In the first post, I write about "Unable to think since unable to scratch my head".
That reminds me of "Able to think since moving my tail" incident and the second post is ready!
Then in the Monkey Business post, or should I say "Monkeys who are in business these days" post, I present the 'missing link' to the world. The geeky 'link' topic reminds of my very own similarly geeky 'shortcut' joke.
But before that, since I was already on the Bollywood theme, and since blogger maryum had asked me for cure to her stupid-o-sore-song-syndrome, I wrote about similarly nonsensical dum amla thing that I sing.
And the 'food' topic whose recipe only Vidya 'Baby' Balan knows lead to "You are what you eat" thing.
If things continue like this, this Writer's Blog may never suffer from Writer's Block eh?
Naah not me. I am a vegetarian.
Perhaps thats why even though I often look so fruity, I am actually such a vegetable!
Of course there is!
Create any kind of file.
Name it 'Success'.
Right click on its icon.
Click on 'Create Shortcut' option.
Lo and Behold!
You 'Shortcut to Success' is ready!
I have this collection of my original 'jokes' that I write in my diary.
This is one american diamond from it (cos none of them are real gems ahem!)
I remembered this one in association with my thunked attempt at being funny in the previous post with the geeky missing 'link' comment.
I like Amla.
But what the heck is Dum Amla?
I mean why is everybody singing
"Dil Dum Amla Hai Dilbar...."
to Vidya Balan?
Does she know the recipe?
Emraan Hashmi and Himesh Reshammiya!
Why do I always feel these two monkeys are closely connected to each other?
1) They both have very similar looking monkey faces with tiny eyes, neanderthal jawline, further accentuated by the unshaven beard.
2) If we ignore the odd Y, which anyways is redundant if we consider Reshammia,, without affecting the pronounciation in any way, then both their names can be spelt by exactly the same letters:
AEHIMNRS (alphabetical order)
And anyways they are both AS MENHIR (Definition of menhir: a single upright rough monolith usually of prehistoric origin, courtesy http://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/menhir )
3) Himesh's self-sung rickshaw-ready song seem to suit only Emran. When any other actor is lipsyncing, it looks so very very odd. Perhaps thats why there are so many songs involving the particular duo only.
Hmm one profound puzzle just got solved. The missing 'link' between homo sapiens and their ancestors is right here:
Missing 'link'. Get it?
I was in perhaps in class 4 or 5. I was visiting my eldest uncle's place, which had originally been my grandpa's house. The have always had a lot of stray cats in the house. In fact just like me, the house was an 'ancestral' home for the cats too! So many kitty generation of the same ancestry have been born, had played around, run away, come back again, had babies, died, and all in all added much liveliness and anecdotes to the story of that house. Whenever we cousins visited the place, the cats were the first choice as well as the final fail-safe backup means of entertainment for all of us.
On this particular summer noon, the cat was lazing around, sprawled on the mat. Its eyes were contently half closed. Its was slowly moving its tail from this side to that. Then again slowly from that side to this. Again now and then a quick brush to the other side. And I need not mention the queenly satisfied purring need I?
Me and my elder cousin (son of an aunt, not the host uncle) were busy orgainising our paper-made Boeings and Airbuses and fighter bombers under the chair 'hangars' nearby. (My elder cousing was was a genius at inventing highly involved and exciting games and plots, with whatever resources you could give him)
All this while another little cousin of mine, around 5-6 years (son of still another aunt, not the host uncle), was closely observing the cat. My eldest uncle (the host) was relaxing on a chair reading a newspaper. After a while, the little one turned to him.
The little one asked, "Kaka, why is the cat moving its tail about?"
My uncle who treated cats like persons, responded in a voice as if telling some profound truth, "Because it is thinking..."
"Uhumm!" said the little one like everything about the world was suddenly crystal clear to him.
And then all of a sudden he vigorously started pulling, bending and shaking the cats tail.
An alarmed voice: "What are you doing?!!"
A matter-of-fact serene voice: "I am making the cat think!"
Thankfully the feline matriarch had over the years become very used to us immature brats. It merely opened its eyes, looked around at the bothersome punk lugging at her tail and went back into her contemplative reverie, thinking
(Hey wait, if thats true then it means my lil' cousin did indeed succeed in making the cat think!)
After the freezing previous night, its blood temperature has now risen to a moderately sufficient level to allow some miniscule movement of its talons over the keyboard ( yeah laugh at me you warm blooded mammals, laugh)
Now that I have excused my laziness by cleverly blaming my cold blood reptilian biology, I will proceed to write some actual substance in my first blog.
Even though I have already decided what I am going to blog about, and have already written the title of the blog, let me still go ahead and still do some nautanki and khaav some bhaav.....
Hmm what shall I blog about? Sheesh I cant even scratch my head in order to be thinking. The talons are too sharp. And all this time, your evolved primate evolutionists were wondering and proposing theories about why reptiles could not evolve mammal-like intelligence over so many years of existence on this planet. Baah! Just buy me a nailcutter and I'll resolve all the contradictions of relativity and quantum theory in a moment!
OK since you are not going to buy me a nail cutter, I'll continue to ponder over the lesser problems of what to blog about. And since I already know what I am going to blog about, I know I will find the answer to that challenging problem inspite of my limited reptilian cranial capacity.
Aha the CFL (Compact Fluorescent Lamp, for the environMentally uninitiated) is in action now! Now there is light! I'll blog about IPL!
Is it just me or have some of you humans also noticed it?
T20 Cricket - Its a peculiar name.
Yeah I know all of you know the English Alphabet , and that there are 26 characters in it. I also know that most of you know how to count till 26. But that was not the point. If you missed it, go back and read it again.
For the benefit of bird-brains who still did not get it , even though birds are more evolved than reptiles, let me explain it.
T is the 20th character of the alphabet.
T20. Funny eh?
(I don't know you tell me. You see reptiles have not developed the cerebral humour circuits yet)
**The above blog was a crash course in 'How to write an entire blog when you just have one 'silly point' to talk about**