Play the Movie, Play the Music, And with Words

Seeta aur Geeta.
Sitar aur Guitar.

See the striking similarily in their nature and their sound?

Total internal reflection

Many of my fellow bloggers reflect intensely about themselves and write deep heavy posts about such internal reflections. I always wondered why I don't do that. Today I realised that its because of a phenomenon of physics - Total internal reflection.

Suppose you shine a beam of light on a glass surface. Some of it will get reflected back. Some of it will be absorbed by the glass and some will continue to pass into the glass after bending by some angle (refraction). However, when light tries to do the opposite, i.e. go from glass to air if its angle of incidence is larger than some value called 'critical angle of incidence', whole of it gets reflected back inside the glass. None of it comes out in the air. This is called total internal reflection. It happens only when both these conditions are satisfied:

1)Light is trying to go from a denser medium to a rarer medium (e.g. glass to air).
AND
2) Its angle of incidence is larger than a certain critical angle.

Now, you see, I am a thick skulled being (figuratively).
A thick skull is obviously a denser medium. So when some thought of self-enLIGHTenment tries to come out of my mind, it has to cross the thick skull, coming from my brain. Thus it has to go from rarer (very few neurons in the whole big cranium) to denser medium (thick skull). This is opposite of the required condition 1). Since comdition is not met,

Total Internal Reflection

never occurs ;). I can't violate natural laws of physics can I?

P.S: What do you call a geeky reptile?
A : A gecko?

Hasta la Vista Baby!

So we have long been hearing how Microsoft will stop selling Wndows XP altogether on Jan 31st 2009 and extend support for it only till April 14 2009.

Thus it wants to force the customers to switch to Vista.

For the customer, its
Hasta la Vista Baby! (Bring home Vista with a smile)
or
Hasta la Vista Baby!

(Yes yes. Another one of my inane phonetics posts)

What the heck? Posting anyways.

I am the Don!
I am the Key to eveything!

I am the DonKey!

DonKey ko pakadna Moose-kill hi nahin, Na-Monkey-n hai!
-----------------------------------------------------------------
Posted 10 mins later: Even more nonsense:

DonKey ko pakad lengey toh Key karangey?
Lock karangey!
After all Amitabh ji hi toh Don thae na! "Lock kiya jaye!"

Wait did you say "Lock kiya Jaya?"
"Abhi?"
"Par Ash-a kyon karengey?"

A genuine and wonderful reason to watch a movie!

This is a true story of a son of my father's office friend. The kid really hated Shah Rukh Khan and made it a point not to watch his movies. This incident happened when he was in school.

So one day, when my father's friend returned from work he was surprised to see his son watching a Shah Rukh Khan movie.

"Son, I thought you hate Shah Rukh Khan?"
"I do"
"So how come you are watching his movie today?"
"Oh well. You see at the end of this movie, he dies. So."

Future anthem of corrupt bribe-taking Indian officials

Ghoos de baap. Dey be! Dey be!
Ghoos de baap. Dey be! Dey be!
Ghoos de baap, dey be dey be....de maaal.
De maaal......De maaaal!

(Spoof of

Who's the baap baby baby?
Who's the baap baby baby?
Who's the baap baby baby...Dhamaal!
Dhama...aal.... Dhamaaal!

from the movie dhamaal)

Height of synechdoche

Sometimes you may have come across a guy who brags how he 'laid' a particular female.

I find this not only cheap but also funny.

I mean "Laid a girl!"? What is the girl, an egg?
Then by similar use of synechdoche, a guy must be just a sperm eh?

(Please do not try to make sense of this post ;) )

--------------------------------------------------------

//I mean "Laid a girl!"? What is the girl, an egg?

On second thoughts, if we assume that the girl is indeed an egg, what's the guy, an hen?

Hmm on one hand "Laid a girl" implies Guy = sperm

On the other hand "Laid a girl" implies Guy = hen

So what is the the correct implication?

Doing math does not a mathematician make

Add 2 numbers. Thats maths by definition.
Add 2 numbers of 9999 digits each. Thats 'challenging' maths, speaking of magnitude.
But doing such simple math of epic proportions is not what qualifies you as a real 'mathematician'.

In Indian IT industry, we do programming ; dumb outsourced programming.
True, its 'programming' by definition. True its 'challenging'. But only in magnitude.
By doing it, you can't call yourself a real 'programmer'. Dumb.

I was a real programmer at heart. I wrote better programs in my 1st year of college. here its mostly about managing 'challenging' projects.

I feel sick here Is there any future for me in 'IT'?
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

P.S : Quick Trivia: What do I call my experience in the 'Indian IT industry'?
Answer : Dumb Outsourced Programming Experience (DOPE)

But this dope does not give you any high. Though, it does make you numb. And dumb. What's worse, you get 'withdrawal symptoms' while you are actually into it. Symptoms clearly indicating that you want to withdraw.

Hmm I may have to go underground after posting this

Q : What do you call a trash can full to the brim with garbage?
A : Obviously,
"A laden bin."
Or to phrase it more poetically,
"a Bin, Laden."

Now I better go into hiding. Else I am done for!

-------------------------------------------------------
P.S: On second thoughts, I will not go underground into hiding. After all thats where he too is! So if I don't want to bump into him after proting this, I better not go there ;)

So be miserable/happy. I'll be overground and continue blogging ;)

The best code crakers in the world!

Thay are none other than........................ta-da!!!!!!!!!!!!!! The boys who attend to the juice'n'shakes parlour at my office!

You don't beleive it? Read on.

Juice-bar-attendant-boy: "Kounsa shake?"
Casual-IT-worker-guy: "Papaya Banana."

(thoughts of a mere mortal like me:
Papaya + Banana combination shake ? (yuck?)
or
1 Papaya and 1 Banana shake?)

But! The super correct interpratation of super sleuth Juice-bar-attendant boy?
"OK! So this guy wants Papaya Shake!"

But still the order is not precise and complete. So our super sleuth probes further,"Kitna mangta hai?"

Casual-IT-worker-guy replies,"Ek Do."

I am still trying to gather my mind reeling from the comfusion whether this guy wants Ek Papaya Shake or Do Papaya Shake. But our juice-bar-super-smarty? He super-smartly shouts the order to the guy inside the kitchen "Saab ko Ek Papaya Shake Do!"

Only then did I understand what the customer had said "Ek Do : Give One". Sheesh why could I not think of it! [ ;) ]

But then even the best can falter.
Today it happened.

While I was waiting for my 'Pineapple-juice-without-sugar' one fellow came in a rush.
"Chickoo. Late ho raha hai! Jaldi!"
What did they serve him? Chocolate shake!

The first word of SMS lingo came to India in 1929.

In 1929, they launched a 'beauty' soap in India.
It was supposedly the one which enhanced the looks of people, especially film-stars.
So they decided to name it 'Looks'!

But they thought 'Lux' is a cooler spelling!

Thus India was introduced to the SMS lingo, long before the world was introduced to pagers or mobiles.

-Stupidosaur

P.S : Honestly, dont beleive any of the above bozo-buzz. To get your facts straight, read this, from which I actually got the year 1929.

P.S. : Cool! I added a new word to English : Bozo-Buzz

आज मैं जीवन का सही मतलब जान गया !

सदियों से महान तत्वचिंतान्तकों के मन में यही सवाल उठता रहा है,
"आखिर जीवन का मतलब क्या है?"

आज मुझे इस गंभीर प्रश्न का उत्तर मिल गया है!
किसी भी ऊंची ईमारत की तल् मंजिल (Ground floor) और पहली मंजिल (First floor) को मिलाकर जो बनता है, बस यही जीवन (G 1) है!

शुक्रिया उस 'लिफ्ट' (Lift) का, जिसमें सफर करते वक्त उसके बटनों का नीचे से ऊपर तक अभ्यास करने से मुझे यह गहरे मर्म का साक्षात्कार हुआ

-स्टूपिडोसौर

(P.S: Hint: Ha Ha Ha)

It can't get better than this

Ladies, don't you all wish your man would keep getting better and bettter?
At?
Well at everything that matters to you.

But be careful. If he keeps getting better and better, till he will reach his limit. Then he will turn into a razor or some shaving device!

"Gillette - The best a man can get"

But maybe you will not mind. Earlier he caressed your legs. Same will continue.
With a slight difference. Earlier, it happened after you shaved your legs. Now it will be during maybe

Junkie Monkey, u'r Sunkey!

In the title,
Sunkey = 'Kewl' extention of Sunk rhyming with Monkey and Junkie
Sunkey = सनकी (Mad in Hindi)
-----------------------------------------------------------------------
For softies who drink soft drink:
If you drink pepsi a lot, all you will think is "My Can!". That is meaningless bloody wrong English.
If you drink fruit juices (Read: unfermented :) ) and such beverages, you will think "I can!". This is bloody good English and a rocking thought to think!













--------------------------------------------------------------

"Have a potato wafer."
"No thanks."
"Have one..."
"No I really shouldn't..."
"Just one?"
"No I can't.."
"Oh come on just one!"
"No"

Ruffles Lays! Ruffles Lays! No one can eat just one.

Good if such day comes when no one does.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------
Some junk foods claim they are fat-free.
So is Cyanide

Some Junk foods have zero trans-fats.
So does Cyanide.

Some Junk foods have low sodium content.
Most forms of Cyanides do not have sodium in their chemical structure.

Cynide kills.
I rest my case.
You guess the rest.

Junkie monkey put yourself in a hypothetical zoo cage which has a sign put up "Do not feed the animals (with junk)"
-Stupidosaur

Pantene selected the wrong beauty queen?

Sushmita says, "Lakhon Sushmitaon ki yahi hai rai" :P
Pantene should have signed Aishwarya for the ad.

"Lakhon Aishwaryaon ki yahi hai Rai!" :P

Or maybe they figured she is already Bachchan so better take the one with denser hair for Pantene shampoo ad.

Lagey Raho Prem Rogue Bhai

Prem.
a.k.a Prem Chopra.
a.k.a Prem

The wicked scheming & lecherous look. Perfect.

I think thats why Sushmita Sen is lipsynced a song dedicated to him.
"Laga laga laga rey....
Laga laga laga rey....
Laga laga laga rey laga Prem rogue!"

Ekdum barabar laga tumko!

Stay tuned

Intution can be tuned.

To tune a radio, you need to have a radio first.

But of course you can get or make a radio if you want.

-Stupidosaur

Pappu MBA Saala!

I wonder what would have happened if there had been 'MBAs' since a few centuries earlier and if they would have been valued as much too.

Humanity may possibly have been richer and profit making, but perhaps not as developed.

No I dont think I am contradicting myself in the sentence above.

Miley XX mera tumhara?

On occassion of Independence day and its after effects, DD Bharati (Or was it DD India?) (Its one of the free-to-air direct-to-home TV channels, which are the only channels we get at our house ;) ) was airing the wonderful 2 decade old song Miley Sur Mera Tumhara this weekend.

Almost every time I went to that channel (during breaks in program on some other channel), this song was playing.

It somehow gave me goosebumps every time I heard it over this weekend, even though the sound system of our TV itself is 2 decades old. Maybe its because of nostaligia, or maybe the kinda people I see in it are the kinds I relate(d) more to. These days I don't relate much to anybody. Maybe the because the song is stored in some special part of my brain. Maybe I associate it with the 'Those were the days' days. Whatever the reason, the song thrilled me every time from Friday to Sunday. Infact, the first time I heards it this weekend, I was able to predict and chant (although gibberish to me) the wierd lyrics of all many of the languages after their respective introductory music! (Even though I don't have the faintest idea which language it was that I was singing ;), let alone the meaning of the 'gibberish')

But one thing hit me, which had never hit me before.
In the final scene, little children in saffron, white and green come running from 3 directions and form the tricolour. But in that, the saffron and green are worn by boys. Only the white strip is made of girls. Sex ratio of 1:2 ????? Are they trying to indicate thats where India is headed???!!!!!!

(I am sure green strip was all boys and white all girls. I tried to concentrate so many times at the saffron. Could not confirm if it was all boys. Though I definitely could not classify any one of them as girl. At last I have settled for all boys saffron. Let me know if any of you actually happens to see that song, and in that rare event, if you can confirm any girl in the saffron strip)

A potential hit oldie movie that never got released

Yesterday one of my friends in the movie industry sent me an old movie cassette starring Amitabh Bachhan, Rakhi, and Amjad Khan the terrible. The movie never got released because of some inauspicious mysterious happenings, which led the film producers to burn all the original copies of the movie. My friend, who was the chai delivery 'chhotu' for the set back then had sneaked out one of the copies from under everybody's noses. A few decades alter, i.e. yesterday he gave the cassette to me as a belated friendship day gift.
We watched the movie together. It was just too good. Especially the climax scene.

In the climax scene, we see Rakhi tied up by Amjad Khan and his Kutte just like Basanti of Sholay.
What do you think happened next?

No the hero did not cut off the ropes with his well aimed gun shots. He did not beat the crap out of the goonda and his cronies and rescue the dame. Instead he said something which might have made bollywood history if the movie had been released.

"Kutton, kameenon, sharm nahin aati tumhe! Ladkiyon waaley kaam karte ho! Rakhi bandhte ho! Chheee!"

The ruff-tuff, macho and disgusting looking thugs were so embarrassed when they realised the SISsy nature of their action that they immediately untied Rakhi they had tied;).

If you had not guessed by now, here goes the disclaimer:
I have "A Beautiful Mind". This means, the friend mentioned above is imaginary. Just like the movie, its producers, the inauspicious happenings, the cassette and the climax scene :). This just happened to be my new "flavour of the month" joke!

So happy rakshabandhan.
And before that, Happy Independence day!

By the way they are thinking of making a remake and have approached Rakhi Sawant for the female lead.

The Industrialist Joggy and Other Nonsense

Q: Which Indian industrialist son of an industrialist probably introduces himself in James Bond Style?
"Bond. James Bond!"

A: "A knee. Lamba knee!"

(Probably his knee got long because he jogs so much)
(But what the heck is a long knee?)

On the same lines, Angelina Jolie also has a funnny name
Un Jali Na Jali

A 'profound' thought for the डे

I MMS.
Kaise mess?
SMS!

meaning

I am a mess.
कैसे mess?
ऐसे mess!

-Stupidosaur

To spoil your snack ;)

Q: What do you get when you put a Veg Grilled Cheese Sandwich in a freezer?
A: A Veg Chilled Grease Sandwich.
-Stupidosaur

No I am not a novice anymore....just a memory of when I was one

Why did they have to make Supervisor sound like 'Super-Wiser'

Why did they have to make Novice sound a variant of 'No-wise'?

Some people begin to assume that the phonetics are actually meaningful. Hmmmmpfff!

Ek Fun-kar

I wonder if Roughie* ever tried a Smoothie.

*Mohammad Roughie Sahab

And just to check correct spelling of Rafi's first name, I googled Rafi. The first entry?

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Rafians Tribute to a true Maestro - Mohd Rafi
The site is all about Indian legendary playback singer Mohommad Rafi.www.mohdrafi.com/ - 41k - Cached - Similar pages

---------------------------------------------------------

I always thought Rafi songs are peacful and soulful and so assumed his fans to be like that too.

But Rafians? Ruffians? LOL!