A SentiMental Post...

Arz kiya hai...
*Clears throat*
Akash Ki Koi Seema Nahin...
(Irshad! Irshad!)

Toh miyan...arz kiya hai...
Akash Ki Koi Seema Nahin...!
(Wah wah! Wah wah! Bohut Khoob!)

Kehte hain...
Akash Ki Koi Seema Nahin...
(Taliyan Taliyan!)



...Hattt Saaaala! Meri bhi koi nahin! :P

Stupid Shopkeepers!

Play 1

Scene 1 , Day 1, Shop 1

Shopkeeper : Aur Kuchh?
Stupidosaur : Bas.
(Shopkeeper turns to other customers.)
(Stupidosaur leaves, but smiles mischeviously just when getting off the shop's steps.)


Scene 2, Day 2, Shop 2

Shopkeeper : Aur Kuchh?
Stupidosaur : Bas.
(Shopkeeper is about to turn to other customers.)
Stupidosaur : Arrey kidhar ja rahe ho?!!! Kaha naa mujhe bas chahiye!
(Shopkeeper with somewhat confused look, is still trying to figure out if Stupidosaur is talking to him)
Stupidosaur : (Acting somewhat angry, in a huff and hurry) Khair rehne do. Bas stop se hi le loonga bas :P!
(Stuipdosaur makes a quick escape to the nearby bus stop and catches the bus that had luckily stopped at that moment. So if shopkeeper realised after a few moments, that what Stupidosaur actually needed was Onnnnnnnnne Tightttttttt Slaaaaaap, it was a few moments too late!)

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Play 2

Waiter : Aur kuchh chahiye sir?
Stupid : Haan. Chahiye.
Waiter : Kya laaoon sir?
Stupid : Ab mujhe ek aisi cheez laa kar do, jo menu mein hai hi nahin!
Waiter : Aisa toh nahin milega sir. Aap menu dekho. Bohot kuchh hai. Sab variety. Menu main se jo bhi mangta hai, sab milega.
Stupid : (acting mighty pissed) Arrey kaisa hotel hai! Menu mein nahin hai to dogey nahin? Arrey customer jo bhi maangey leke aana chahiye. Ho nahin, toh bana key lana chahiye!
Waiter : (trying to appease, tries a different angle) OK sir. Aap bataiye. Mein try karta, kitchen ko bolta.
Stupid : (with a vague generic glint in his eye, a glint so generic, it could be taken to mean anything the onlooker may want it to mean) Lekin, mujhe jo chahiye woh to khana hai hi nahin!
Waiter : (Surely his brain reached the conditon of a just-served sizzler....chhsssssssssss!Phsssssssssssssss!Crackle!Pop!)...errr
Stupid : Mujhe bill chahiye! Bana ke lao! Menu mein likha nahin hai. Fir bhi!


P.S.
-----------------------------
About the title:
Stupid is not an adjective for Shopkeepers.
Its more like Vikram Vetal ;-)

About the labels:
Play 2 and Play 1 Scene 1 have truly happened. Hence the label.
Play 1 Scene 2 haven't. (Yet ;-) ). Hence the label.

NUTS log kuchh bhi BOLTa hai!

What?
Why are you looking at this sentence.
The 'joke' already happened! See the title!

Ok. Just in case that was not enough for you, go read the labels :P

Somnabullshit

A somnambulist.
-Sleep walks.
-I am not

A somnabullshit.
-Thinks lot of bullshit when asleep or half asleep
-I am

Truth

True seeker of the Truth
Insists not on what he thinks is
But Why.

-Stupidosaur

The Most Bunktual Student In School

"This year's award, the honour for not missing school even for a single day goes to.....no one this year I am afraid!"

"Give it to me! Give it to me!"

"Whats your name boy?"

"Little Jhonny! Isn't that obvious? You are a character in a joke, and I am the little school boy in that joke! What else could my name be? Such a Stupid question!"

*Since none of the thing in this anecdote actually happened, the other character pretended that the above affront too did not happen. There is a rustle of an attendance record book being flipped through*

"But you have stayed home the whole year!"

"Yes sir! And through all those days, I didn't miss school even once! Not even on weekends!"


(The Dettol ad kinda bored me with its nonsense use dettol->never fall ill->be the kid who never misses school->get some damn prize for it (even if you are otherwise quite dumb and love having dettol on the rocks, with soda :P).
I realised that I do not go to school and don't miss it either .
Hey where's my award!!!!???)

The Inside Out Boy

There are so many persons out there you have never met.
Doesn't mean they don't exist.

There are so many persons inside you that you have never met.
Doesn't mean they don't exist.

Some outside you will never meet, unfortunately.
Some outside you will meet, unfortunately.
Some outside you will never meet, fortunately.
Some outside you will meet, fortunately.

Same goes for the many persons inside you.

-Stupidosaur

('Nothing really related to post title' label because the Inside Out Boy was some cartoon that I used to watch on Nickelodeon)

Numbering of Shop Whose Days Were Numbered!

Then one day it happened. A fanatical narrow minded party came to power in the city. (Just for this story, I'll keep it limited to the city, in national public interest. Nothing at higher levels). They banned all the bars, clubs, movies with even item numbers, even 'englis' dancing academies. Since they had never learnt to run a good administration, improve infrastructure, create jobs etc, they were now seriously jobless and wondered what to do next.

Then one of them had a bright idea! Why not declare words describing women's innerwear as obscene? After all some specific coloured specimen of these had caused major embarassment to some of their own kind once!

So it was decided that their party activists would go on a rampage and harass shopkeepers who sold such goods and displayed advertisements. The merchants were in serious trouble. If they do not display ads, how would people know what they stocked? Business would badly suffer. Displaying pictures was absolutely out of question! Here even the words were banned!

One such dejected and deeply troubled fellow came to his friend Stupidosaur. Problem solved!
From next day, they started displaying such signs:

१२ & ३५ available !

No they were not referring to sizes of any kind :P

(Hint! Hint! Since the numbers are written in Hindi, they are supposed to be read in Hindi!)

The Death of a Ghost of Love

Was I in Love with You?
Was I in Love with a Ghost of You?
Was a Ghost of me in Love with You?
Or was a Ghost of Me in love with a Ghost Image of You?

The Bliss Of An Empty Mind...

An empty mind...has neither any Discontent, nor Content.
-Stupidosaur

(There is no grammar mistake here. It was meant to be Content, not Contentment)

The other night on Gtalk

Heard of this one?

"Nobody's perfect. I am nobody."

Its a well known T shirt quote.

Something similar described what happened when I pinged 5 people the other night on Gtalk.

"I am nobody. Nobody wanted to chat."

The "Earth, You Are So Dead!" or "Who's Yo Daddy?" post

We are 'celebrating' 'Environment Week' in office this week, supported by Greenpeace.

We had a poster making competition today. Pencils, sharpeners, erasers, crayons. Although the setup does sound like schoolkids, many participated, including me.

There were teams. I was one of the few single entries (as usual and as expected and strictly as per ISO standards :P).

The theme was "Your Planet Needs You!"

As expected, there were the usual birds and bees and trees and rivers and rainbows, and ugly industries and cars and smoke, windmills, solar panels, and earth giving sagely advices to humans and such things in almost every poster you saw .

As expected, the weirdo in me lived ;)

Mine was a comic strip sort of.

Pane 1: Earth giving a wide smile and saying"Hi there! Recognise me? Your Planet!". It also had a thought bubble "Damn! Why am I smiling!"

Pane 2: In the next pane, Earth has just filled a glass of water from a water cooler (The kind which have huge inverted 20 litre Bisleri water bottles fitted on top of them.) Its making a disgusted face at the glass a squealing,"Yuck, Something has gotten into my water!". And you can see black things in the water in the glass as well as the transparent inverted bisleri bottle. The black things are shaped like humans - the usual kindergarteng figure: Round head, a straight line, and sticks for ands and legs.

Pane 3: The Earth's eyes are wide in panic. Two humans (again stick figures) are choking its neck. And Earth is screaming, "Gasp! Its choking me. Cant breath! Need fresh clean air!"

Pane 4: The Earths eyes are closed and tight in pain and 'eekiness' (kinda when cockroaches walk over you ;) ). Its shouting (Arrggh! Its walking all over me! And it BURNS!". In this pane, the black stick humans are walking all over the Earth. And there are trees too! But the black stick humans are burning all of them.

Pane 5: The earth is looking at out with big angry eyes and saying, "And you know what IT is? Its YOU!"

Then there are these big highlighted wordings,
"YOUR PLANET NEEDS YOU.." **This was the theme of the contest if you remember ;)**
"..to give up your Stupid ways!" **Yeah yeah! That seems to be my favourite word. Expresses a lot of things ;)**


Well my artwork was not very great. Somewhat (Lot) shabby. But my message was kinda strong and sarcastic and cutting and all that blah. Better than most other messages I think. But then my artwork was shabby. Fair enough considering that I single handedly couloured the area of the poster in 1 hour. Other teams had at least 2-3 hands to cover that much area!

But damn! There was this girl who was again a single entry. At the next table (Cafeteria tables). And I could see that she had made something very pretty. There was some beautifully drawn freehand drawing, which from the angle I could see it, looked like some mythological monster's face too! But within it I could also see factory rooftops and cars and trees and stuff. Drawn in a very cool , neat, artistic way. (Damn girls. Why do they have to be so aesthetically purrfect (Does that mean catty?). Always having pearly handwritings, great at drawing at what not :P ;)) I don't know what her punch line was. But if it was good, I am definitely a goner. I had nothing more than a creative idea. No artistic talent. At least not with crayons and at least not when college lectures are not going on :P (Which you will see if I post pics of things I used to draw with pen during Engineering lectures ;) Not very great. But kinda nice)

Lets see when and what the contest results are. Never underestimate your opponents. They may win. Never overestimate judge's great taste. Even you may win ;).
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Anyways, after writing all this stuff, I realised that I digress ;)

Initially I was not going to post the entire real life event. Just a side thought which had occured to me during it.

इक जमाना था, जब वहां ' पेड का पार्क ' था

आज वहां बस ' पेड-पार्किंग ' है

--------------------------

And then there was this older guy who kept on addressing us as bright young people, next generation, etc in whose hands the Earth's future lay.
It reminded me of such a guest at school who called us "Bright Kids Of the Next Generation!"
Errr, sir, no offence, to you or me, but if I am the Bright Kid Of The Next Generation, would that not make me my own grandchild? :P
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By the way I didn't just do goofing around and contest playing at the first day of the 'fest' (celebrating Earth destruction). I have also filled a form to pay Rs 300 a month (deducted from my account) every month to Greenpeace. Hope they do something good with it :P