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Prayer to the pot-belly deity!

Saturday, June 12, 2010
Oh no, I am not talking about Ganesha here! That one has an elephant head on a pot belly. I am talking about the one that supposedly has a lizard head on what is now officially a pot belly...The Stupidosaur!

The thing is, I recently had my 'Body Composition Analysis' done. I didn't get it done by going out of the way. It was done as part of regular admission procedures at the gym I recently joined. And what did the analysis find out? The same thing many of us knew just by looking at me...that I am OBESE :P Thrrrrbbbt! :P

Here are the hard numbers to convert the non-believers amongst you into believers....

Body Fat Mass (kg) - 20.5   (Normal range - 7.4 to 14.7)
Verdict? OBESE!!!

BMI (kg/cubic meter)- 25.2   (Normal range - 18.5 - 25.0)
Verdict? OBESE!!!

Percent Body Fat(%) - 29.1 (Normal range - 10.0 - 20.0)
Verdict? OBESE!!!

Waist to Hip Ratio - 0.89     (Normal range - 0.75 - 0.85)
Verdict? OBESE!!!

For such a mighty deity as described by the statistics above, I have made a prayer. However unlike usual prayers, it is more of a bhoot-bhagao (ghost-busting) mantra - meant to destroy the very thing it is directed towards - my godly obesity!

So folks! Without further ado and boring delays, I present to you....

Prayer to the pot-belly deity! 
(Side by side original prayer in gray for a greater illuminated enjoyment ;-) )

Tum hi ho mota, petu tum hi ho,
Tum hi ho mata, Pita tum hi ho,
Tummy baloon hai, sukha tummy ko!
Tum hi ho bandhoo, Sakha tum hi ho.


Tum hi ho Haathi tummy se haarey...
Tum hi ho saathi...Tum hi sahare...
Tummy naapna, bada huaa rey!
Koyee na apna siva Tumhare!

Thinny hoainga, toning kavraynga...
Tumhi ho naiya Tumhi khevaiya
Tummy se bhondu sucka' tumhi ho! 
 Tumhi ho bandhu sakha Tumhi ho.

Jo hil sakey na woh fuley bum hain
Jo khil sake na woh phool ham hain
Tumhare (charne-ki-bhool)-e-gham hai
Tumhare charano ki dhool ham hain

The yucky bursty bada pet apna

Daya ki drishti sada hi rakhna
Tummy baloon hai sukha tummy ko
Tumhi ho bandhu sakha Tumhi ho

Tum hi ho mota, petu tum hi ho,
Tum hi ho mata, Pita tum hi ho,
Tummy baloon hai, sukha tummy ko!
Tum hi ho bandhoo, Sakha tum hi ho.

------------------
--------


So, is the deity gonna go all 'diet'y? Nah! Just exercise I guess :P






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28 comments :

Ketan said...

Ultra-LOL! Too good!

Just one complaint - why do you keep that tag 'funny some find this funny'? It makes me feel abnormal for finding this funny. :( Not that I mind feeling abnormal much. :D

A request I make with trepidation - please join twitter.

lost_scotoma said...

I keep wondering how come Ketan come across such interesting blogs.

Totally funny writing. Loved it.

Stupidosaur said...

@Ketan

Champak, a periodical for kids, had a jokes section "Its Funtime" or maybe just "Funtime" in English. In its Hindi version it was called "Hasna Mat" or something. So that is also trying to be a joke. Now it would really be funny if someone finds THAT joke funny!

Naah! Kya karney ka twitter join karke! At this point I don't have so much time or so much inclination or so much loquacity to interact so much with so many in so little.

Ek chindi wala blog bhi regular update nahin karta hoon, aur comments bhi reply nahin karta hoon.

@LS

He tries LS, he tries! He has his tentacles spread far and wide over the net, and still expanding! ;)

Marvi Sirmed said...

Hahahaha. . . too good :))))

Komal said...

I wished you had written our 'holy texts' instead of the usual bigots. The 'aarti' that you wrote will surely strike a chord with a lot of people who are, well, miles away from size zero:)

Stupidosaur said...

@Marvi,

Thank you!

@Komal,
Hello Ketan! *

* Haha! Really hoping I am not mistaken!

Cues considered:
-Came from twitter.
-Profile created today, never viewed.
-From Mumbai
-Comment has 'holy text', bigots etc heavy words, though my post is not trying to be religious/anti religious in any way
-Somehow I feel you would invent a name like 'Komal', maybe more Gujju name?
-"a lot of people who are, well, miles away from size zero:)"
somehow the sentence construction in this part sounds like you.

C'mon admit it Ketan! Its you!

(If its actually some Komal, I already lost a new reader I think. Sorry Komal! (Haha, even now I am tempted to say "Sorry 'Komal'!")

Komal said...

Stupidosaur, you really can't get more stupid! You are so MISTAKEN. It is actually some Komal in all flesh & blood & not 'Komal'. In fact, Ketan or 'Komal' sent me a link on twitter to your blog! Really you must join twitter to know that I really do exist as a voting citizen of India & I am NOT an alter ego of Ketan or 'Komal'. And even as I ask you to join twitter I am not Ketan or 'Komal'.
Now, if you hadn't written so well, you surely would've lost a new reader:)

Stupidosaur said...

Haha Ketan, how obvious can you be!

"It is actually some Komal in all flesh & blood & not 'Komal'"

Actual Komal would be amused or outraged and not respond with such a theoretical sounding argument. Especially she would not refer to herself as 'some Komal' like a third person.

Again, you are nerdily responded word by word per my comment, in sequence.

You beat around the bush with Stupidosaur/stupid thingie. I said hope not mistaken, so you say MISTAKEN. Instead of wasting these two sentences, a real outraged/amused Komal would have first said she is not Ketan. I used 'Komal', so you use it again and again. I end up mentioning losing a reader, you also cover the same point with same wordings. Real Komal will probably say I will keep reading don't worry, or maybe you will not lose ->me<-. Women, my friend are more flexible with language. Nowhere throughout your comment do I see that kind of flexibility, directness, a first person interest of defending ones identity, or non-theoretical realism.


Hah! Then there is the twitter request.

And of course heavy words that suddenly popped up without any prior relevance:
"voting citizen of India","alter ego". These definitely reek of your mind's region of operation, from whatever I know of you from the blog ;)

So confess Ketan! Don't make a bigger fool of yourself with another lame comment as 'Komal' :P

The Blue Periwinkle said...

Bwahahahaha!! :D

Pot belly diety ki jai! :P

:-S

Deeksha said...

sweet!

wise donkey said...

very hilarious:)
tears in my eyes..

wise donkey said...

you could have called your post "paet puja"..perhaps komal would agree with me..

wise donkey said...

sd why don't you ask komal her twitter link..if she is on twitter with ketan..
you could check out her tweets and settle the identity issue

wise donkey said...

http://twitter.com/strayconscience
ketan tweeted @ strayconscience (komal)
now its a different issue if the twitter strayconscience komal is the blogger komal..

Ketan said...

Arrey Stupidosopher-ji, you've been missing your Beat.well va fall.8 doses or what, to have turned so cynical!

Ketan guesses, by now he must've left sufficient electronic trace to convince you that he's from 'India', not 'Bombay', because Ketan uses Opera mini on a Sony Ericsson cell phone for web access.

Whereas, Komal uses the same browser that Stupidosaur does on an operating system one generation (or two generations if Stupidosaur has switched over finally to saantvaa jharokha) older.

This would still not prove to you that Ketan is indeed not in Mumbai, but ISP not starting with '59' might give you a hint. :)

As for Komal, she happens to be a Marathi mulgi - pretty close to being a Gujarati mulgi. And c'mon man (lizard), Komal is not a Gujarati enough name, you know that! :P Ketan could've tried using 'Jinal', 'Hetal', 'Jalpa', etc. ;)

But Ketan too feels Komal's thinking is very similar to his & she is a good candidate to be the esteemed bullosophress. Though, Komal is a much better writer & more knowledgeable of the english language than Ketan is.

And one emotional hint, if you've been able to understand his sentiments well enough, Ketan would not call you 'stupid'. :(

While, you're not mohtaj of readers (& their comments), Komal happens to be an extremely intelligent person, & might Ketan add with great fear of Komal returning to this blog to read the comments & getting angry, thus a rarity amongst females of human species. :| So, if she decides to not return to your blog, it would be a loss to readers like Ketan, if not you.

Ketan thanks WDM for her attempt at providing support!

And one last clue, for which you'll have to make an account on twitter (not necessarily used to tweet), Komal [@strayconscience (click)] does not leave space between the last letter & the emoticon following it. :)

Ketan just hopes, this piece of bad correlation was indeed an effort by the deity to fall in the eyes of the worshipper.

BTW, Dr. Ashley Tellis has been fired from IIT-H, and that post's been getting stupendous amount of traffic, e.g. 176 hits in last 3 day!

Lastly, Komal [ <-- deliberate logical error! :P] is curious what motive would Stupidosaur have attributed to Ketan to try to pass off as Komal despite your tail-ness having expressed disapproval at the genesis of Thy Lord? It must be remembered, Ketan takes Stupidosaur's disapproval seriously.

TC.

Ketan said...

And BTW, there's a subtle hint here (click).

He happens to be one of my best friends - a college mate.

teena12a said...

hey u r funny!:d yes i kno its prolly obvious to u but its kinda hard to find a funny person these days! way too uptight ppl hav become:I
hope u hav some luck with the "bhoot bhago" gimmicks! :d
PS: thnx for visiting mine and dropping a comment :-)

dishantparikh said...

wow... what a prayer..!! :)

Knatchbulley Hughzscene said...

HA HA!! really hilarious!!! too good :-)

Ketan said...

I just noticed, you've written the unit of BMI wrong; the denominator is square meter and not cubic meter.

Keshi said...

:)

Keshi.

Kanan said...

Tusi creativity ke bhandaar ho, mahaashay! Pranaam sweekaar karo. :P

Sayesha said...

LOL! Brilliant! :D

S said...

Super Super Super..Total laugh riot!!
Fell off my chair reading these lines-
Tummy naapna, bada huaa rey!
Jo hil sakey na woh fuley bum hain

LOL

sm said...

lol
excellent

HP said...

hahahahahaha !! this is uber cool !

divsi said...

loveeeeeelllyyy:):p:D

Red Handed said...

You sir...made me laugh and that's a very difficult thing to do :P

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