Dial F for Four Letter Word

I never say the f word in the usual non literal contexts. Why? Am I a prude? No. Since class 8 I could never understand why I should start making a mental association between a word that describes something nice and negative states such as anger, hatred, frustration, etc. Just didn't make any sense. Neither makes sense now.

If you find that odd, go chuck yourself. Wherever you prefer.

P.S.: Taken literally, the last sentence just tells u to get the hell lost somewhere. although a rhyming word might have made you think something else :P

And yeah, happy swearing everyone!

Her favorite!

There is a pretty girl who loves to eat. She loves fruits. She loves vegetables. She loves milk. She loves fish. She loves meat. But no eggs. Anything egg-less, yes she loves it. She loves Enrique EgglessYes.

Two Tales of Three TVs

Have you watched a TV ad promoting a TV by showing two TVs on your TV? I am fascinated that there are so many of them around. It is the ultimate tribute to stupid.

In this ad, they show a generic TV with bad picture and then they show the advertised TV with a great picture. If I am able to see clear picture in the second example and be fascinated by it, it automatically means my current TV is good, since it can show that clarity to me. So why would I need to buy their TV?

Or, if my current TV itself has bad picture, then I will never get fascinated by the 'clarity' of second picture. So why would I give a damn about buy their TV?

Their wonderful TV will look only as good as my current TV already is :P

I am having hard time to decide. Are the advertisers stupid? Is the audience stupid? Or is it stupidity that makes the world go round? :P

New Kid On The Blog!

Hello folks!

Its been quite some time since I blogged. With my blogging frequency reduced, another punk has come on-board to make up for it. Its none other than my Camera! Yeah. Stupidosaur's Camera! Go check him out...

http://ooh-its-a-beautiful-world.blogspot.com/

Also, since he was pleading so much, I nominated his blog here
http://bloggerschoiceawards.com/blogs/show/99206
You can vote if you feel like it. There is that minor inconvenience of registering though!

Prayer to the pot-belly deity!

Oh no, I am not talking about Ganesha here! That one has an elephant head on a pot belly. I am talking about the one that supposedly has a lizard head on what is now officially a pot belly...The Stupidosaur!

The thing is, I recently had my 'Body Composition Analysis' done. I didn't get it done by going out of the way. It was done as part of regular admission procedures at the gym I recently joined. And what did the analysis find out? The same thing many of us knew just by looking at me...that I am OBESE :P Thrrrrbbbt! :P

Here are the hard numbers to convert the non-believers amongst you into believers....

Body Fat Mass (kg) - 20.5   (Normal range - 7.4 to 14.7)

Verdict? OBESE!!!

BMI (kg/cubic meter)- 25.2   (Normal range - 18.5 - 25.0)

Verdict? OBESE!!!

Percent Body Fat(%) - 29.1 (Normal range - 10.0 - 20.0)

Verdict? OBESE!!!

Waist to Hip Ratio - 0.89     (Normal range - 0.75 - 0.85)

Verdict? OBESE!!!

For such a mighty deity as described by the statistics above, I have made a prayer. However unlike usual prayers, it is more of a bhoot-bhagao (ghost-busting) mantra - meant to destroy the very thing it is directed towards - my godly obesity!

So folks! Without further ado and boring delays, I present to you....

Prayer to the pot-belly deity! 

(Side by side original prayer in gray for a greater illuminated enjoyment ;-) )

Tum hi ho mota, petu tum hi ho,

Tum hi ho mata, Pita tum hi ho,

Tummy baloon hai, sukha tummy ko!

Tum hi ho bandhoo, Sakha tum hi ho.

Tum hi ho Haathi tummy se haarey...

Tum hi ho saathi...Tum hi sahare...

Tummy naapna, bada huaa rey!

Koyee na apna siva Tumhare!

Thinny hoainga, toning kavraynga...

Tumhi ho naiya Tumhi khevaiya

Tummy se bhondu sucka' tumhi ho! 

 Tumhi ho bandhu sakha Tumhi ho.

Jo hil sakey na woh fuley bum hain

Jo khil sake na woh phool ham hain

Tumhare (charne-ki-bhool)-e-gham hai

Tumhare charano ki dhool ham hain

The yucky bursty bada pet apna

Daya ki drishti sada hi rakhna

Tummy baloon hai sukha tummy ko

Tumhi ho bandhu sakha Tumhi ho

Tum hi ho mota, petu tum hi ho,

Tum hi ho mata, Pita tum hi ho,

Tummy baloon hai, sukha tummy ko!

Tum hi ho bandhoo, Sakha tum hi ho.

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So, is the deity gonna go all 'diet'y? Nah! Just exercise I guess :P

Meetha Sa Chadiya Bukhaar...Ramji Karo Beda Paar!

Statcounter keeps me informed when people visit old pages on this blog. Recently someone visited this one:
http://saying-private-yarn.blogspot.com/2009/06/senti-mental-post.html

A comment by Abhishek Sim there set me thinking. What would have the joke that he mentioned actually been like...

Why should a guy wanting to get paired up go to a temple?

Wahan...
Bhakti milegi,
Aarti milegi,
Pooja milegi,
Shanti milegi,
Punyata milegi,
Diya, Deepika...haan woh bhi,
Saumyata milegi,
Khushi bhi mil sakti hai,
Prerna bhi,
Arrey haan, wahan aksar Vidhi bhi hoti hai,
Kisi kisi ko Deeksha bhi prapt hoti hai.
Mandir ki Garima toh ekdum khas hoti hai.
Aur kuchh mandiron ki Shobha badi hi sundar hoti hai. (Spell checker of Chrome is prompting me to change hoti to hot)


Why should a girl wanting to get paired go to a temple?

Wahan...
Prabhu milega,
Dev milega,
Anand milega,
Prasad milega,
Kalyan hoga,
Omkar hoga, Om bhi,

I am feeling sleepy and giving up for now. Who all do you expect to meet up with at temples? Comments section is wide open! Continue the lists!


(BTW title is a song (not title song ;) ) from Dev D, which is quite fitting, since the movie has both 'Dev' in title and marriage somewhere in the theme ;) )

Greek to me!

If 'Citizen' is originally a Greek concept, why do we call a Citizen a Na-Greek?  

Technology and Nature ;)!

"Hey Stupidosaur! Where are you off to?"

BEFORE TECHNOLOGY:

"Nature's Call!"

AFTER TECHNOLOGY:

"Nature gave a missed call! Gotta call back!"

P.S.:

I think technology enabled version is more accurate description ;)! 

Oh the times have changed!!!

Aaj Kal Apney Pairon Pe Kulhadi (Axe) Marogey To Ladkiyan Tumharey Kadmon Mein Girengi!

P.S. : I don't use it.

Forrest Gump

I want to run. And run. And run.
I want to run into everything.
And away from everything.
All at the same time.

This is original!

When people talk about PiRated movies, I wonder  if thats around 3.14 out 5 or 10!

I forgot the title. It was a good memory though.

To have many Good Chocolates, you got to have at least A Good Chocolate to begin with.
But you can have many Bad Memories only if you do not have A Bad Memory at all!

-Stupidosaur

Chance Pe Dunce

Said the indignant fuming young lady, "Chance marega? Huh? Well young man, you have succeeded in your misadventure! Any chance you had with me - mar gaya ab!"

Basically - chance mara, toh mar gaya chance ;)

The problem

Those who don't have a problem precisely because a solution is already working for them neither recognize the problem, nor appreciate the solution.

-Stupidosaur

Idiot!

All is well?
Jump in it! :P

Foiled!

A Stupidosaur.
A city.
A night.
A stranger.
Plump fortyish.
A plea.
Hospitalised daughter.
Epilepsy treatment
Outstanding bills.
Money needed.

Stupid listens.
Refuses donation.
Sets condition.
Accompanying stranger.
Settling bills.

Stranger angry.
Feigns hurt.
"Stupidosaur untrusting!
Old man!
Honest, troubled!
Young generation!
So cynical!
Other work.
Then hospital!
Give money!
Cash, now!"

Yeah right!
Bloody fraud!

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 Well, this is an actual event that happened to me. And this genre is my own invention to rival '55 fiction' that I can see all over the place! This genre is called '2 fact'. Pretty lame!  Actually 'Pretty lame!' is '2 fact' personified! First, in '2 fact', every 'sentence' can have only 2 words. "Pretty lame!" has two words. And second, the story must be factual. Again, that '2 fact' is pretty lame genre is a fact ;).

In the end Math prevailed ;) ...

In an apartment building

Floors have flats.
Flats have floor.

So mathematically, flats are subset of floors and floors are subset of flats. So floors and flats must be the same set.

Now you know why the floor is flat!

;)