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Female MCP

Thursday, December 25, 2008
Many guys are called MCPs (usually) by females.

But do not live under the illusion that only guys can be MCPs.

Don't beleive me?
Here's evidence 1! (obviously you CANNOT argue with such a great figure of authority!)
Here's evidence 2! (another figure of great authority!)

In fact, if you still insist that women can't be MCPs, then you are an MCP!
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Whose line is it anyways?

Tuesday, December 23, 2008
Today morning I received a call on my mobile from an unknown number.
When I picked it up, nobody spoke from the other end. I knew the line was not dead, because there were all sorts of 'usual life' background noises coming.

So as per habit I asked, "Koun bol raha hai"? ("May I know who is speaking?")
No reply.
Again I asked the same thing.
No reply.
Again.
Same.

I must've asked nearly 7-8 times, and was getting irritated.
Suddenly 'inspiration' struck me.
This time I modified the question.
Instead of asking
"Kaun bol raha hai?"
I asked
"Kaun NAHIN bol raha hai?" ("May I know who is NOT speaking?").
And I even started chuckling on the line.

That person immmediately cut the phone.

Its only after the line got disconnected that I realised I should not have asked that 'inspired' question so early :P . After all I get credited 10 paisa talktime for every 1 minute incoming call! (Yes Virgin mobile zindabad!)

(I am feeling tempted to put my mobile number out here, just to get incoming 10 paise from all of you ;) )
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Suno Gaav Walon...

Monday, December 22, 2008
I wonder what Dharam paaji was upto, shouting from the top of the water tank or something right in the middle of Ramgarh, pretending to sell or advertise Gauavas, when he did not possess even a single Guava.

"Suno! Guava Lo!"
"Suno! Guava Lo!"
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Is this a joke?

Friday, December 19, 2008
A few days back I read a news headline in Times of India. Forgot to post it that day.

The headline read:

"Yahoo! India lays off more people."

I totally fail to understand why some people losing jobs is a good news :P.
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I think I've been cheated all my life!

Thursday, December 18, 2008
Only now they come and tell me its a FREE MARKET economy! x-(
And all this while I've been actually PAYING money for everything in the market!
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Yeh...Tumhari meri baatein..(What is that? :-S )

Wednesday, December 17, 2008
Three is a company.
Two is a crowd.
Thats when one of the persons is Stupidosaur.
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Little Johnny Goes To School

Tuesday, December 16, 2008
Mommy : Lil Johnny why are you crying?

Johnny : Teacher M'am said when you open a door slightly, it becomes a jar.
So I've been closing this jar all evening but its not becoming a door. Waaaaaaaaaaaah! Sob! Waaaaaaaah!
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I love cold and cough...

...because every normal sound comes through with an A. R. Rehman + Dolby Stereo special effect
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Name Change Notice...

Thursday, December 11, 2008

Taj MeinHell
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Ohm's law or अहम्'s law?

Ohm's law is a very basic law of electrical circuits.
Even if you never took up science after high school, you must have heard about it in class 10 science subject.
What ohm's law basically says is
The current through a conductor between two points is directly proportional to the potential difference (i.e. voltage drop or voltage) across the two points, and inversely proportional to the resistance between them. (Wikipedia)

Symbolically
I = V/R
Where...
I = Usual symbol used for electric current
V= Usial symbol used for voltage drop
R=Usual symbol used for resistance of the conductor
Based on this, we can express resistance as..

R= V/I

And this formula is very deep. It is equally applicable to teams of humans.
We (V) are a team. But everyone has the importance of oneself (I). It is this feeling of I that divides the We (V) to give friction , resistance (R) in the team.

I (me, ego, ahamm) divides the We (V) to give Resistance (R)

-Stupidosaur
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Gender Bias?

Wednesday, December 10, 2008
I heard of a group of girls who were groomed for a beauty pageant.
Girls are groomed for so many other great things too.
How come guys are never brided for anything?
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The Degree of Stupidity in this world

Even if you can do it, they will let you only if you have the 'degree'.
Even if you have the 'degree' and hence they let you, does not mean you are capable to to it.
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:P

Tuesday, December 9, 2008

Some like playing soccer, but are not good at it.

Some like to paint, but are no good.

Some like to eat goodies, but their heart suffers when they do.

I like being with people.

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Relax - the secret of the universe

Monday, December 8, 2008
Initimidated by the Big Bang?
Just block your nose.
Then there will be no difference between Big Bang and Bean Bag.
Then you can easily unravel all its secrets and mysteries.
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Grow up. Dont fall for 'anti-ageing' formulae (Is this a title or message?)

"Sheesh! Grow up!"

"Oh yeah? Then how come you use anti-ageing creams and stuff?"

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How can we just blame the authorities? Its not so easy is it?

Wednesday, December 3, 2008
I came out of the house.
Nobody bothered.

I boarded the bus.
Nobody bothered.

I walked in the market with a big backpack.
Nobody bothered.
I did..........
Nobody bothered.
I did...........
Again nobody bothered.
What if I was one of them?

They can strike anywhere. Its just too easy.
How can we watch out everywhere?
They have such an easy task :P. The authorities have a very difficult task. Think about it.

Now you know Hindi picture mein Police end mein hi kyon aati hai.
How could they have known in advance?
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Donald Duck misses Daisy Duck in Chickenland

Yeh "Cluck Cluck" karti-si girls...
Hen nobody like a Daisy girl!
Who's the hottest girl in the world?
A Daisy girl! A Daisy girl!

--------------------------------------------

The song I messed?

Ek lakh lakh pardesi girls

Aint nobody like a desi girl....

(From Dostana)

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How confusing it must be for the school kids :-S !

Tuesday, December 2, 2008
One two three four....
First second third fourth fifth...

Four fifth = 4/5
Three Fourth = 3/4
Two Third = 2/3
But One Second = Unit of Time
:-S
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Apparently a Stupid school of thought

Friday, November 28, 2008
Appearance counts

Strange. I thought it never went to school.
-----added later to put the 'joke' in perspective.------

Without going to school how did it learn to count?

Jhonny counts because he learnt it in school,

(And of course I was alluding to how appearance has nothing to do with talent and schooling ;) )


Please note: I have continued this joke in the comment section too. Read if you are not already fed up.

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Chachacha

Thursday, November 27, 2008
The guests arrive.
Immediately the hostess starts the formalities.
"Will you have tea?"
Tea tea tea tea it is all the time!

And then the guest play their card.
"Oh tea? No nothing thank you! Nothing at all!"

And so it continues...

This typical scenario was immortalised in a famous bollywood song.

Guess which one?
.
.
.
.
.
.
.

.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.

..
.
.
Hamesha..."Tumko chaha?" "Chaha?" "Chaha?" Chaha?"
Aur..."Chaha? Kuchch bhi nahin! Kuchh bhi nahin!"

(Chaha means tea in atleast two Indian languages I know - Marathi, Gujarati,, Kannad and maybe others too)
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Bad Stupidosaur

Nari = Woman
Man = Man (what else :P)
So Nariman Point = Couple Hangout?

Hmm true even though Nariman point is a business area, it is also suitable to a considerable extent for a couplr to hangout. What with being one end point of marine drive and all, along the shoreline
-----------------------------------------------------------
Bad Stupidosaur because
Blatantly blogging, getting 'inspired' from the ongoing tragedy in Mumbai, since last two posts.
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Journey of Haiku(??) to Hell in half a day

An earning bachelor;
Yearns a bike and baiku*.
Is this a haiku**?
Note:
*baiku = wife in Marathi.
**I don't know what really makes a haiku, cos I haven't yet read this beginning to end. But at least my 'poem' seems to sound like the examples given there :P
Note also:
This poem is not autobiographical. I ride a bicycle, not a bike. I even took it to office for a year. Then I fell sick. Then I recovered. Then bicycle got rusted. Then I lost interest :P . Hope to revive it soon. And if anything, I still yearn a bicycle, not bike.
And about baiku. Well, abhi to mein Amul Kool dudh peeta bachcha hoon :P.
Also Note:
Actually I was inspired about this (this bike-baiku phonetics, not the haiku) a long ago when I lived with roommates.
My Marathi roommate bought a new bike. So I said "Arrey wah, naya bike! Fir nayi baiku! Badhia hai!" like that ad long back.
Note this too:
Yesterday night I actually made up the 'haiku' from bike-baiku.
After I made it, it reminded me of the new ad..
"Nazar ko kya chahiye..Khwab thodey jyada..."
(The visual theme of that ad is like the 'haiku' above)
That tune was still playing in my head as I eat breakfast this morning in the office canteen watching TV. And its anybody's guess what was playing on any TV in India this morning.
So like it happens with me all too often, I hear a tune and my reptilian brain clothes those tunes in some totally unrelated lyrics. This time the result was quite grotesque (Beleive me I dont build these words up, I dont even task myself to make a parody. The words just emerge in flash. I am not guilty :P) ..
"Terror karney ka hi hai...Taj phodey aaja"
(Nazar ko kya chahiye...kwab thodey jyada)
(The bold and unbold are just for indicating matching tunes)
(Sounds quite eerie if sung in the same pleasant sing-song tune)
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Help! My PC is falling!!!!!

Wednesday, November 26, 2008
Help! Help!!
My PC is freely falling! My PC is freely falling!!

Right now, even as I am typing!!!

I wonder how I am still typing this as my even as my PC is freely falling!
Is it because I am a Superman? Super-dextrous, super-flexible with superfast reflexes flying superfast along with my falling PC?

Nope its possible because I am Stupidman reptile.

My PC has not hung up.
My PC has not crashed.
So I Stupid figured it must be in a state which is in between the two states : freely falling (see figure).



So I started shouting in panic.

Sorry if I increased your Blood Pressure and Heart Rate.
Glad if I gave you the Adrenaline rush.

Stupid if I gave you neither ;)
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Indicator of my Stupidity

Monday, November 24, 2008
If the turning signal lights of an Indica are called indicator,
Why don't they call the turning signal lights of Maruti as marutitors?

Infact, what about Santrotor, Accenttor, Volvotor, etc they all sound good to me :P
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Balance...

Sunday, November 23, 2008
...in mobile...
...on bike...
...in bank...
...in life...
...and of the mind...

Yes balance seems to be the keyword of existence.

-Stupidosaur
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The week-1 at new job song

Friday, November 21, 2008
Indica mein safar karkey aaa jaatey hain karney kaam...
Woh... firney hi aatey...
Woh.. firney hi aatey!
------------------------------------------------------------
I ruined this song in case you were wondering...

zindigi kei safar mein guzar jaatey hain jo makaam..
woh ... fir nahin aatey...
woh ... fir nahin aatey!
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Stupid - Stupider - Stupidest joke

Butt is soft and smooth.
Is that why Butter is softer and smoother?
-Stupidosaur

Some are butt of everyones jokes.
This was a joke of everyone's butts ;)
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I have a new title. So this post does not need one

Monday, November 17, 2008
They say when you die you go to a better place.

I discovered that whether or not its true for people,
it is definitely true for my career.

As some of you who still lurk around here know, it had died in the previous place.
The better place that it has gone to now gives me 61 % more salary, free cab transport right to my doorstep (previous company TOOK few thousand bucks for their jumping-jalopy rotten buses!!!!), subsidised food which is lot better than the non-subsidised food of the previous country (I am not the only one saying this. Ask anybody who worked for the company in my city. The food was really bad tasting. (Plus can you imagine eating kofta curry and veg 65 almost every alternate day?????) )

And the US couterpart mothership of this new company has received lots of awards for employee friendliness and had been voted amongst the top 100 best companies to work with!
The Indian couterpart also seems goody goody as of now.

Yes today was my first day.
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Saturday, November 15, 2008
I think I am really getting bored of blogging :P
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Self-Portrait Self-Poem

Who be the Stupidosaur?
You know not. And that is good.
What be the Stupidosaur?
I know not. I one day would.

The Stupidosaur, his essence,
his living fossils I seek.
As I dig bone by bone,
I may give you too a peek.

Do not seek the Stupidosaur.
You cant. Fat chance!
But if you persist and succeed,
you creep, go dance!
------------------------------------------------------------
Today I was cleaning up my old rented house stuff, which I will need to move to a new house soon. ( To move closer to the new job.)

I just came across this Stupid 'poem' I had written long long ago in a book, with the intention of blogging (long before I actually started blogging).

Its quite a Stupid poem. Every second line ends rhyming duh!
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Lovindranath TAGore

Monday, November 10, 2008
So sorry I gorgot to add this earlier.

I was tagged by Kanan.

If your lover betrayed you, what will your reaction be?
My lover cant betray me. Cos she would cease to be my lover a moment before the betrayal.

If you can have a dream to come true, what would it be?
That one day I will actually have a real dream and fulfill it. I guess its covered by one of
my earlier posts.

What do you love the most in your lover?
The question should be will, not do. Then the answer is dont know.

What would you do with a billion dollars?
Don't cross your bridges before you come to them. I guess the idea will organically build up
in case I actually get them or would be in the process of getting them. Why worry now.

Will you fall in love with your best friend?

Looking at the symbolic cap in "Maine Pyar Kiya" had always made me wonder ki yeh hero
heroine lovers hain, par ek dure ko "Friends" ke naam ki "Topi kyun pehna rahe hain"?

Anyways, jokes apart, why bother about 'concepts' like friends, best-friends, lovers,
soul-mates and such crap. Just let the relationships organically develop. Yes you noticed that right. I have recently caught fascination of the word 'organically'. Ever since I read it somewhere recently and it seemed to be conveying this particular notion, feeling and sense for which I always felt and for which previously I did not have any word.

Please do not logically dissect the word 'organically'. I am just referring to the layman
meaning of 'organic', whose other usages you may have come across in phrases like
'organically grown food'. I am not referring to its scientific meaning. Scientifically
speaking, all the horrid plastics are also 'organic' because they are covalently bonded
carbon chains, and there is the whole branch of organic chemistry dedicated to these.

Which is more blessed, loving someone or being loved by someone?
Cant separate the process of applying butter on bread from the process of covering bread
with butter.

How long do you intend to wait for someone you really love?
I am not a waiter. Anyways I don't mind serving her dinner occassionally.

If the person you secretly like is already attached, what would you do?
Wow! the person I secretly like voluntarily sends me an email with her pic? Obviously I'll immediately download the attachment! Maybe take a colour printout too.

If you like to act with someone, who will it be?
Your gf/bf or an actress/actor?Currently I don't have one. Maybe I'll make the actress my g/f.

What takes you down the fastest?
I m never high.

How would you see yourself in ten years’ time?
I dont know. First we had ponds. Then we had mirrors. Now cameras. Technology is too
fast and unpreditable.

What’s your fear?
Growing older without doing anything much.

What kind of person do you think the person who tagged you is?
I dont judge people by their blogs. You should not judge me either. Shakespeare is not
Juliet.

Would you rather be single and rich or married but poor?
Good things are not mutually exclusive.The question sounds like I opted for 50-50 lifeline in Kaun Banega Crorepati and the dumb computerji eliminated the correct answer.

What’s the first thing you do when you wake up?
Depends where and how I fell asleep and what the situation is on waking up. There are infinite possibilities depending upon whether I fell
asleep
1) Slept in the bus and missed the stop while asleep
In a bus and wake up with a betel leaf (paan) chewing disgusting fellow sleeping on my shoulder drooling.
In a bus and wake up with the condeucter saying "Ticket ticket!"
In a bus and wake up with the ticket checker saying "Ticket ticket!" and I have one.
In a bus and wake up with the ticket checker saying "Ticket ticket" and I dont have one (blame the sleep, not my kuda-baksh musafir intentions)

2) Slept in the classroom with tummy rumbling (on waking during lunch break)
In the classroom with teacher mumbling at a distance.
In the classroom with teavher rumbling over my head.
In the classroom with friend poking pencil in my ear.

3) Slept at work with assignment due fifteen minutes ago
At work while others already left for that urgent meeting
At work while in that urgent meeting
At work with boss saying "Good morning stupidosaur, did I disturb you?"

4) Slept in bed at night and wake up on a weekend
In bed at night and wake up by the jangling alarm
In bed at night and wake up to pee/eat/drink
In bed at night and wake up to "Chor Chor Chor!"
In bed at night and woken up by the damn mosquito bites

5) An afternoon nap
6) In a boring movie
7)...................
8) etc
It also depends whether I slept alone or with the hypothetical special someone about whom
this tag is majorly about.

Would you give all in a relationship?
Give take? What is that? I thought relationships are about organically (notice my fascination with 'organically' just being together. You give 'something' or 'everything' only when you selfishly expect something. Thats the whole funda of barter system, money, economics and such things. Relationships are not business.

If you fall in love with two people simultaneously, who would you pick?
There are all kinds of love with all kinds of people, again not mutually exclusive.

Would you forgive and forget, no matter how horrible a thing that special someone has done?
Yes I will forgive her for falling in love with me ;)
But I'll never forget that she is in love with me ;)

If you get to go back in time and fall in love all over again, would it still be with the same person?
First let me go forward in time, fall in love all over for once, then go forward some more
in time. Then I can let you know.
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Any ideas how I can add some visible watermark or logo on pics to publish here?
I have lots from teh trip. And soem really very beautiful. So I dont want some random person copying them just so.
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Some new and not improved Stupid-o-sore jokes

Sunday, November 9, 2008
Friend1 (Emotional, Senti, About-to-start a Jagjit Singh Gazal tone): Lagta hai maine khudko kho diya hai. (sob)
Friend(?)2 : Arrey wah, tuney single player Kho-Kho invent kar di?!!!!

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Girl: I wonder why men drool over leggy females?
Guy: 'Leg'gy females? Aha I think I know! Its for the same reason why girls drool over 'hand'some males :P

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Said the Winner who was being felicitated with garlands:
"Nahin janab, mein yeh nahin le sakta. Mere guruji (coach) ne kaha tha, beta zindagi mein kabhi haar sweekar mat karna!"
People are at their wit's end trying to convince the dunce to accept the garland.
Just then his Guruji enters the scene.
"Lelo beta, lelo"
"Par Guruji aapne hi kaha tha...."
Guruji was quite familiar with the 'brain proteins got diverted to muscles' student of his. So this is how he convinced him to accept the garland
"Haan beta, par meine yeh bhi to kaha tha na, ki insaan ko haar se hi jeet ka mulya samajh mein aata hai. Lelo!"
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Am I sitting in an ST bus? What do you think?

Monday, November 3, 2008

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Like father like son? Anyways, son like like father!

During the recent tour, my father had a dream.

In the dream, a little urchin kind of a boy was helping us in some way. (father doesn't remember how exactly he was helping in the dream sequence. Maybe he was helping with luggage, or finding transport for us, ort showing us a good place to visit, who knows!)

My father is quite pleased with the boy. So he offers him some money.

The boy replies,
"Oh don't worry about that sir. I already took some out of your pocket!"

Some dream eh?
:)

Now I know why I am half an eccentric.

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The secret of pic 3 in the earlier post

Tuesday, October 28, 2008

Damn the connection here is just too slow. 10 min just to upload 1 pic.
Actually I wanted to make this post
"The Journey of a Camera - Part I"
, with a series of pics building up the story.
But never mind.
Maybe some other time.
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Guess where I am?

Sunday, October 26, 2008
Pic clicked today at risk of my camera. Also I had no knowledge how the pic is gonna turn up cos I could not see the view the camera was looking at. My hands were outstretched from the boat!
Turned out pretty good eh :)?

Another pic clicked today:
(Funny huh? Coming just in few days of the Duck post ;) )


Pic Clicked Yesterday:



(Lots more pics clicked. May upload later :) )

So where could I be ? Any guesses for each of the pics?
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The Struggly Duckling

Friday, October 24, 2008
A Wise Guy said...

When in crisis, be like a duck.
Calm on the surface, but paddling furiously underneath.


Stupid guy says...

That sounds great Mr. A Wise Guy, but what if because of the crisis you feel like a duck out of water? :P


Footnote:
Another Wise Guy, in a very wise phrase had mentioned 'fish out of water' or something.
But its the nature of Stupid guy to confuse it with 'duck out of water'.
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WELL...WISH I knew what I am trying to say here

Friday, October 17, 2008
"I have always been your well-wisher.
I have always wished ill and evil upon you at the wishing well"
-Your well wisher


[The story behind this quote:
As you know (In case you read my blog regularly :P), I am going through a bit of a crisis these days. Some ppl who had read about it on my blog wrote to my email id I have given on my blog. They said how they liked my blog, and would like to help me out of the crisis. Some of them had never even commented on my blog earlier, just the mail in response to my crisis post.

So the other day I was thinking about all this, and how the concept of pen-friends had got extended by Web 2.0 and so on. I felt good to have well-wishers in various part of the world. Ppl I never knew, in parts of the world I don't know.

So as is the nature of my associatively moronic mind, the phrase 'well wishers' stuck in my mind. Which made me think of wishing well. That gave rise to the concept or terminology of 'well wisher' as any person who would wish at a wishing well.

I wondered how ironic it would be if the 'well wisher' would octually be wishing something bad at the well. That gave rise to this pithy quote you see above, well suited for some traitor in a novel or movie. Sounds classic and ominous (at least to me ;) ]

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Opposites attract

Tuesday, October 14, 2008
If I think I am so good, I should prove myself!

If I think I am not so good, I should improve myself!



prove X improve ?

Such odd possibilities of opposites attract me is all I meant in the post title ;)!

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The Love Bug

Sunday, October 12, 2008

Human1 said,"Human2, all I want is your unconditional love!"

So is Human1's love unconditional, or based on the condition of receiving "unconditional love"?

The Love bug I am talking about in the title is not the proverbial one that bites people. Its the bug (like in a computer program) I have just wondered about above.

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Oops I did it again!

Friday, October 10, 2008

Bettered my last score by 8 seconds.
Now I just need to increase my speed 3 times the present speed, and then some more.
World record shall be mine!
Thats a statement. Not speculation ;)
Dion Tiu, here I come!!!!
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The nightmare of a dream

Thursday, October 9, 2008
When a person dreams of Something, we can say the dream has come true when that Something happens.

Q: If the only thing a person dreams of is his/her dream coming true, when can the person's dream be said to have come true?

A: When the dream comes true.

Q: Yeah but when can we say the dream has come true?

A: When the dream comes true!!

Q: That what I am asking! When can we say the person's dream has come true?

A: When the dream comes true!!!

Q: Argghhh! Thats what I am asking about. When.........
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
Any way out of this mess ? :)
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Linguistic Perpetual Motion Machine

Tuesday, October 7, 2008
An A.C. runs on A.C
-Stupidosaur
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Happy Stupidosaur

People wish...

Happy Diwali.
Happy Birthday.
Happy Navaratri.
Happy Independence day.
Happy Valentine's day.
Happy Happiness day. (Lets start one ;) )
Happy New Year.

I never knew these things/days/abstract concepts had feelings and one of them was "Happy" feeling. Even if they had feelings, what do I care?

Instead...
Why not wish...
Happy Stupidosaur!
Any day. Every day.

Makes more sense.
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"So how are things at your end?"

Funny you asked.
My end hasn't come yet.

-Stupidosaur
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Simple geometry

Line marney ke liye 2 points ka hona zaroori hai ;)

P.S: Forget 2. Life mein filhaal koi point hi nahin hai :P

-Stupidosaur
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Reptile

Monday, October 6, 2008
Emotions...
I have read capacity.
I have process capacity.
I have generate capacity.
No write capacity.
So nobody realises understand the first three.
So those gradually dying out.
Or so I feel think.
Reptile.

Emoticons are nice.
They bypass the handicap.

But whats virtual world anyways?
Virtual.
Exactly.
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Poor Soul!

Sunday, October 5, 2008
Haha! Statcounter tells me that someone from New York who actually wanted to know about AS/400 landed up on my previous post!

At the time this post is going for publishing, Google uncle is listing the previous one as the first search result in Google Blog Search for AS/400!

http://blogsearch.google.com/blogsearch?hl=en&q=as400&btnG=Search%20Blogs
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I'm gonna CICS your AS/400!!!

Title is not a violent sentence. (After all its only 3rd day after 2nd October. Tauba Tauba!)
CICS = Customer Information Control System.
AS/400 = Older name for IBM iSeries medim size servers.

I just happen to type this nonsense while teaching myself CICS right now.
Actually right now I am learning CICS for IBM Mainframes platform, not AS/400.
I know nothing about AS/400.

The sentence is kinda war-cry I just invented to rev myself up to learn CICS ;) .
Must go back to study now.
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I am

I am..

Pseudo-everything.
Actually nothing.

-Stupidosaur
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Law of letters = Law of Life

Saturday, October 4, 2008

H I S + H E R S = H E I R S

(Assuming H and S came from both , hence the combined colour!)

(This is an old thought of mine. But now I've grown old(er). Wonder if I can think such things now)

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Don't Drink and Drive

Well I don't drink. I don't drive.
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Goody Two-Shoes

Newton Uncle said,

"Every action has an equal and opposite reaction."

What the heck in the name of Holy Gravity! What am I supposed to do with a reaction?

If I have an Action, I need an equal and opposite Action (not reaction) to have a complete wearable pair!

Right Shoe:



Left Shoe (equal and opposite):



Only having Left along with Right shoe is useful.

Only being Left with Right shoe is useless.

Its also useless if Left shoe is not the Right size.


Disclaimer:

Action Shoes has not paid me to put this post.

Nor do I voluntarily endorse Action shoes. In fact I don't even own a pair/

Nor do I have any personal or impersonal enemity with Newton uncle.

I wrote this post just like that.

I have every Right to do So, even if the Left opposes it.

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Mujhey Bakwas Conduct Karna Bus Karna Chahiye!

Thursday, October 2, 2008

Ek bus conductor ko do cheezein milney par khushi hoti hai

१) Chhutta

२) Chhutti

Hmm achhi jodi hai। Chalo 'Nach Baliye' ke agley bhag mein hissa lene bhijwate hain inhein ;)

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Career and Growth

I have grown considerably in the IT industry in the past one year.
It has provided me ample opportunities to grow in every possible sphere.
All in all, I must say it has led to my all-round development.

Which, in short means, its high time this balooning being started hitting the gym again ;).













(I have grown considerably in the IT industry in the past one year.
It has provided me ample opporunities to grow in every possible sphere.
All in all, I must say it has led to my all-round development.)

Got it ? :)
)



(OK OK my physical condition is not that bad, but I am definitely out of shape, and have started going to the company gym since last two days. So what if I am counting my last days here! )
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Pappu can dance in shala!

Sunday, September 28, 2008

"Apni toh pathshala, masti ki pathshala! (So....)

My heart goes shala la la la......!"

For those who do not speak hindi...

Shala = school in Hindi

Path = lesson in Hindi

Pathshala = Lesson School = School

Masti = fun (often mischevious)

"Apni toh pathshala, masti ki pathshala" = Ours is the school of fun

(A popular song from movie Rang De Basanti, in which a bunch of happy youngsters sing of their school of life, the school of fun)

And of course Shalalalala is the Vengaboyz song.

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I am such a 'forward' thinking person eh?

Saturday, September 27, 2008

I got an e-mail forward with subject line
"Best Drunk Conversation"
and only this pic in the body of mail.
I have a better subject line for the e-mail:
"One stoned guy chatting up another!"
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True Love Is Above the Criteria of a Pretty Nose

I never realised Manisha Koirala has a weird or peculiar nose.
But now I am having serious doubts.

I mean why is Anil Kapoor singing this song for her in the movie 1942 - A Love Story:

"Kuchh Naak Ho.......Kuchh Bhi Naak Ho......"
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A Tongue Twisting Simile

Thursday, September 25, 2008
"It was as unnecessary as a nun's accessory."

(Morning ablutions are always a tranquil timeless limbo of unintended unnecessary* inconsequential inspirations like this one)

* as unnecessary as a nun's accessory.
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Kya much much hai yaar!

Monday, September 22, 2008
Some people talk much.
Some people talk too much it seems like 'much much' (Kya much-much karta hai bey yeh!)
Still some others do too much of much much, and a few do much much much much!
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Nobody thinks of me. So no hiccups. But I think of hiccups (What???)

Busy these days. Other priorities. Anyways this is what was going in my head bathing in the morning semi-drowsy:

"*hics* ki goli lo, hichki door karo!"

(Rip off from the old vicks throat lozenges ad..

"Vicks ki goli lo, khichkhich door karo!"


I think this morning the hiccups were probably having hiccups, cos I was thinking of them ;)
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Amitabh song twisted to fit another Amitabh movie

Thursday, September 18, 2008
AB sung:

Rang barse, bheegey chunar wali rang barsey!

Adaptation for Sholay;
Run Gabbar sey, bhagey Ramgarh waley run Gabbar se!
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Yay! I "Draw an Award"!

I know the title does not seem very catchy. I chose it just because Draw an Award is a palindrome.

Totally out of the blue I have been given a blogger award!I say totally out of the blue because thats the colour of the blog template of the young lady who gave it to me.

Meet my patron: Heer Pathak alias Hydrogen Pops.

(Wait, since she is female, shouldn't I call her a matron instead of patron? Naah it will sound aunty types and I will get an excahnge offer from HP. She will take back the award and give me a sound beating in exchange. So lets stick to 'patron'. More so in veiw of my post on gender pecific language.)

She is a young lady who dearly loved her school and misses it bad. She blogs along with a cosy little gang of girls from her school. (Cosy and gang may not seem to go together, but thats what they seem to be ;-) )

She writes whatever is on her mind- friends, incidents, anecdotes, thoughts. The posts have a light funny friendly feel and reinforce what she claims to be: plump.happy-go-lucky.book-worm.cancerian. (Plump included as-is only too irritate you HP. Your profile pic doesn't quite reinforce it :-). Uff yeh aaj kal ki ladkiyan. Insaanon jaisi dikhna hi nahin chahti. Jab tak lakdi se bhi patli haalat nahin ho jaati, plump mehsoos karti hain :P)

She does have one quirk though. She finds my Stupid posts to be an inspiration for making jokes!!!

Me? Inspiration? Joke? Naah! Or maybe yes, Me for Inspiration is definitely a Joke!

All in all, a she is blog buddy to cherish and visit for all times :)


And here's what she gave me: :)

I have to pass it on to some of my other blog buddies whom I want to award it too.
But GTG. Awarding ceremony in one of the next episodes :)

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The never ending story....

Tuesday, September 16, 2008
Just on a whim I have decided to start this post.
Anyways these days the Little Reptile is a wee bit busy to write Stupid little rants.
So this is good enough for a quick post.

From today, we start a 'Never Ending Story' on this blog.
I have taken the idea of collective story writing from Pri's blog.
You can read 'our works' on her blog here here and here.

I have modified the rules of story writing we did on Pri's blog to suit my liking.
The rules are:
1) The story will begin with a sentence I will give at the end of this post.
2) We will all continue the story one comment by one comment
3) You can write upto 3 sentences in a comment.
4) You cannot post two consecutive comments. You must wait till at least one person comments after your comment.
5) Do not post something inappropriate. It is upto my discretion to delete anything I find 'inappropriate'. (Its my blog :P)
6) To indicate that a particular comment of yours is actually something you want to say and not simply continuation of story, begin it with ******* (number of stars have not been counted)
7) A comment such as one described in point 6) will not be considered as comment with regard to point 4)
8) Every few days/weeks/months (depends on how enthusiasticially and frequently you excercise your creativity!) I'll publish a new chapter of our story. When a new chapter gets published as a post, we will continue our comments on that post. All the chapters will be under the tag 'The Never Ending Story...' for continuous read.
9) The story can have any genre and you can change it anytime you want!
10) Characters can be introduced. However if you are telling story of existing character, make sure you remember the name and context. Do not confuse us all. (Don't worry we'll all correct each other when we notice). Same goes with places etc.
11) List of names/places will be included in another post and will be linked from every post under the tag 'The Never Ending Story...' to help you out with point 10)

So people, let your creativities loose! Together we can! (Haha don't ask me "Together we can what?" I don't know how horrible an answer we are gonna create. But thats the fun ;) )

The story begins:

The Roko folks of Wee Village had begun stirring in their houses. Nobody had the slightest hunch that the lazy morning would soon turn into a "Holy Moly! What the heck!" afternoon.
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Stupid managers who deal with things in 'high level' ways

Saturday, September 13, 2008
Managers like to deal with executive summaries and 'high level' information.

I honestly feel that's a very foolish way of working. What the hell has humanity come to?

Here is a symbolic example of how its so so wrong...

Say there is a report that describes what a great player Sachin Tendulkar is.
The executive summary: Sachin is a great player!

So what does the manager do?
He puts in Sachin in a Football field, "Go on sonny boy, I heard you are a great player. Go play!"

Sachin fumbles wondering "What the.....!"
Since he is caught in the situation, he tries getting on with the game.

In the end Sachin gets kicked out cause he couldn't kick.

OK you say. Good for him. Now he can get back to cricket. Right? Wrong!

Now his track record executive summary says,
"Pathetic player. So got kicked out"

So the no manager is interested in him in future, cos they will only look at this new high level summary.

They will show him the door, totally unaware of what they are missing out on and depriving sports world of.

Lets see another analogy.

A manager types person, who doesn't really understand art much might say

Mona Lisa executive summary : Its a portrait of a lady in gown with folded hands and a dumb look on her face.

So another manager types person will think he has found Mona Lisa when he sees this :

The difference lies in the details stupid!

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Aapkey Paison ki Hajamat















"Nike Shop"
Translates to
"Nai Ki Dukaan"
(Barber's shop)

(After all, proper nouns don't change between languages)
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Google Chrome was not built in a day

Friday, September 12, 2008
Rome was not built in a day.
Because builders knew the property will not sell so fast.
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Reason why Birthday Bumps should be given on the bums

After all he/she is the buttday boy/girl right?
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When Shankar Ehsan Loy go heavy metal...

Wednesday, September 10, 2008
If Shankar Ehsaan Loy go all Metallica, will they be called Shankar Ehsaan Alloy?
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Kya hai Anuman?

Why is he named Hanuman when they say he has never been on Honeymoon?
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NEOwwwww! Such a ridiculous post can't actually be!

Tuesday, September 9, 2008
They say it takes one to know one.

They say it for so many sutuations.

Whether 'one' is a 'winner', a good scientist, a great businessman, a great ex-sportsperson selecting a sportsperson, etc.

(Oh did I mention 'a great programmer'?
Actually thats why nobody around knows or understands that I am a great programmer ;)
)

But what about 'The One'?
It takes 'The One' to know 'The One'?
But if there is another 'The One' to know 'The One', there would be no 'The One' left. Cos there will be two 'The Ones' for a very short instant, and then because of that itself, both will cease to be 'The One' by violationg its definition.

So I wonder how Oracle and Morpheus recognised 'The One' in Matrix.

Anyways, that was all fiction.
In real life, by the above argument derived from the basic idea or definition of 'The One', there are only two possibilities
1) 'The One' cannot exist and be real
2) If there happens to be a real 'The One', none will come to know it.
-----------------------------------------------------
Anyways, whether The One may or may not be,

we definitely have David The-1.

And perhaps because of his name, he made so many 'No 1' movies
Shaadi No 1
Jodi No 1
Biwi No 1
Hero No 1
Coolie No 1
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The Flintstones and Jetsons hour!

One lazy Sunday morning I woke up with a small magazine (nothing to do with guns) next to my pillow. Perhaps my father had been reading it the previous day while sleeping here.
The magazine features real life stories with morals and such stuff. Often it features some anecdotes written by religious men, freedom fighters, etc. (Daddy likes the magazine for its rustic olden days feel. He says its stories are the kind his father used to tell him and his siblings)

Being still lazy and half sleeping, I opened the magazine at a random page. I did not even bother to start the story/anecdote from the beginning. It was some story about how the author had promised somebody to be at some place in case some particular event happened. And perhaps teh event actually happened, and now it was an obligation on the author's part tp be there. Actually I have absulutely no idea why he needed to be there, cos I had not read it from the beginning. But then thats part of the fun. (Read: Lazy fellow justifying laziness).

But the author was in a dilemma. He described some bus routes he took. In the last lap of his journey, his pittstop was some charitable organisation or something (Forgot) where he used to work in those days. The bus fare from that place to his destination was 3 paisa (The 'so cheap' days). But he was totally broke. So he kept walking to and fro in front of his place of work wondering if he should ask the chief lady over there for 3 paisa. He knew she would not refuse, but did not like to ask.

Suddenly he heard the postmen go inside the building and ask for his name. He went in there and presented himself. Turned out it was a money order for him. Rs 3!

So the author says (No the story continues, this is not THE MORAL of this story) that his belief that God is great got so reinforced by this. All he needed was 3 Paisa, and God sent him 64 times that amount!

On reading this I was wide awake. I couldn't care less how the story continued and what the moral was supposed to be. Usually this magazine has quite a number of typos because they have to run it at low operational costs as not many buy it. But what I just read seemed to be something totally diffeernt from typo, and too freaky in a way that I will soon tell you ( If you arent the smarty-types who have guesed it by now)

I told father, "Dad has your old magazine suddenly become ultra modern?"
Father,"Why?"
"Heck they have written things in Hexadecimal numbering system*!"
"????"
"Look at this. (Showed him that sentence) 3 Rs is obviously 100 times 3 Paisa. But instead of writing in decimal, they wrote in Hexadecimal. In Hexadecimal we write 100 (of decimal) as

100 (decimal) = 96 (decimal) + 4 = 6 x 16 + 4 = 60 (Hexadecimal) + 4 (Hexadecimal) = 64!!!!

And thats exaclty what they wrote 3 Rs is 64 times 3 paisa they have written!


And then dad solved the mystery. In those days, in the old currency system,

1 Re = 16 Anna
1 Anna = 4 Paisa
1 Paisa = 3 Pai

So 1 Re = 16 X 4 Paisa = 64 Paisa
So 3 Rs = 64 X 3 paisa!

----------------------------------------------
Strange is the world
In olden days,
1 Re = 64 paisa.
In modern days,
1 Re = 100 paisa.
But in modern days, 100 (dec) = 64 (hex)
So,
1 Re = 64 paisa.

The more things change, the more they remain the same! (well not really ;))
But being the naive cartoon network watching types (at least until few years ago), all that the above conclusion makes me think of is "The Flintstones and Jetsons hour"
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The Bollywood song on Static Electricity

"Babuji zara dheerey challo...
->Bijli Khadi<- yahan ->Bijli Khadi<-"


Actually I was just in a mood to spoil this song (or any song).
Something fit, but could not continue :(....

"Nano mein Singur-iyan..samjho naa.................."

Some of you can suggest something.....
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These words kinda play with my mind

Saturday, September 6, 2008
These words kinda play with my mind...

Onion
Opium
Opinoin

Even though
-I don't fancy onion.
-I've never done opium
-I don't have too many opinions (did I ever present any on the blog?)

See how they sound the same, look the same and how they have only
the successive vowels - i, o, u
and
the successive alphabets - m,n,o,p


(Ah this fellow will not stop at anything in making inane posts :P.

Anyways what the heck is he talking about?
"See how they sound the same"??!!!
You can only see a sight and hear a sound. How does he expect you to see how they sound? :P

Maybe its some special skill that only the three monkeys of Gandhiji possess)
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Favourite Himes song of an electronics engineer

ooooooooooooonnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn....
ASIC banaya...ASIC banaya...ASIC banaya aapney!

(ASIC = Application Specific Integrated Circuit, as far as I remember what I studied years ago)
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Country ruled by vegetables?

How come present US leaders have names of vegetation?
One is a Bush. Other is Rice. :P

Pls I do not have enough political knowledge to judge their capacity/incapacity. The title is just wordplay.

----------------------------------------------------------------

Added inspired from Nitin's comment:

They also have Dick "Cheney".

"Bhaiya 5 Rupay ke Sing-Cheney do mujhey."

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A-Z kiya hai... (I R Sad! I R Sad!)

Friday, September 5, 2008

I have picked this tag voluntarily from Solitaire's blog post. Usually I do not fancy tags much, but this sounded fun and challenging.

The rule is to write a poem or prose using all the letters of the English alphabet wherein each consecutive letter makes up the first letter of every word.

Here goes my attempt:

Alpha Baboon cartwheeled, danced enthusiastically for groups hysterically insanely jeering

"Kingkong! Lovely moves!"


Now our Pappu quit, recognising sarcastic taunts.

Unwanted, vanished weeping, xenophobic, yearning Zen.

------------------------------------------------------------------

The story of the tag.........

A to Z.

Alpha to Omega

So A=Alpha was fixed.

Made it into Alpha Baboon as a joke on 'Alpha Male'.

So what does a monkey do eh? "Naach Jamburey!" for the crowd huh?

So my baboon started cartwheeling and dancing enthusiastically for the crowds !

I imagined the crowd cheering. But all I had was a 'j' and not 'c' . So fine! 'Jeering' it is! :P

Now all this kinda still fit in the initial picture I had. You know Pappu right? Muscular, Popular, Bachelor, Spectacular and all that? Ah! A typical alpha male! But Pappu can't dance saala! So when he tries to dance, our alpha male turns into an alpha baboon! So P was fixed for Pappu.

And 'my story so far' although derived from a street-entertainer's monkey dancing for the crowds, still kinda fit with the concept of Pappu's friends making fun of his dance moves at the party. I wanted to end it in similar light, joking, friendly vein.

But the letters, my mind and my theme just did not co-operate.

So you see the tragic, philosophical end result. :P

Hmm I do have different sides to me...

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Even though its not necessary, let me explain the title too....

Yeh tag jo meine kiya hai, woh A-Z related hai.

Which means, A-Z kiya hai.

Par jab koi sher-o-shayari shuru karta hai, "ArZ kiya hai..",

to sab kehte hain, "Irshaad! Irshaad!"

And considering its a 'sad post', I was going to play on it and say "Ir-sad, Ir-sad"

But naaah! The associative moron that my mind is, it had to flash think another 'ass'ociation.

There is a cartoon "I Am Weasel" which aired on Cartoon network in India till at least about 5 years ago (when I last watched it) . As you can see in this Wiki link, Weasel is an 'alpha male', while another main character in the cartoon 'I.R.Baboon' is a total dimwit, who says "I R (are) Baboon." instead of "I am Baboon."

And the incident described in my sol. (solution) to the sol (Solitaire's) tag could probably happen to Baboon. And he will say "I R( are) sad."

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Dream of all (most) girls

I guess the parliament building of Germany is the most eligible bachelor. Its a Rich Stag.
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Born on wrong planet

That life form felt as miserable as Ayn Rand in the world of illiterates.
Maybe being Chetan Bhagat would have been easier.
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Its all about accuracy!

What were Saddam's standing orders to his troops?

"Don't just beat around the Bush. Beat Bush!"
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The veg non-veg party

Thursday, September 4, 2008
They all went to the party.
Half of them ate non-veg.
The other half ate Nan - Veg.

(Yep they all preferred Nan over Tandoori, what can I do? :P)
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पश्चिम X पूरब मगर दक्षिण = उत्तर !

पूरब कभी पश्चिम नहीं बन सकता, मगर उत्तर दक्षिण ज़रूर हो सकता है!

बात मानने में नहीं आती? तो यह पढिये:

निम्नलिखित सवाल का एक शब्द में जवाब दीजिये :-
प्रश्न : ऑस्ट्रेलिया पृथ्वी के किस गोलार्ध में आया हुआ है?
उत्तर: दक्षिण !

हुआ न उत्तर = दक्षिण !!!

-स्टूपिडोसौर
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Tom Hanks has a peculiar name

Tuesday, September 2, 2008
Just imagine how Tom Hanks will sign off a letter in short:


To
Tom/Dick/Harry/Marry/Minnie/Sally

Blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah. Bleh bleh bleh bleh bleh bleh bleh. Yada yada yada yada yada yada. Rant rant rant rant rant rant.

Some gibberish gibberish gibberish. Scribble scribble scribble scribble. jot jot jot jot and some more blah bleh blih bloosh.

Thanks,
T.Hanks.

---------------------------------------------------

As has become the norm, I add more nonsense to my nonsensical posts as an after'thought'.

I am posting this after about half an hour of the initial posting.

Observe...

Tom/Dick/Harry/Marry/Minnie/Sally

Tom writing to Tom. Good good.

Observe again.....

-----guys---------------girls------------

Tom/Dick/Harry/Marry/Minnie/Sally

Look at the corresponding position names

"When Harry met Sally"??

I hadn't planned on this had just written the female names as they occured to me.

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The Nature of Emotions

Monday, September 1, 2008
Emotions...

I often wonder...
Are they the core language of the mind?
Are most basic level functioning of the thought process?
Are they to the human brain what machine language is to a microprocessor?

Or is it quite the contrary?
Are they the highest level of the thought process?
Are they the shorthand summary of thinking?
Are they to the human brain what a very high level language is like to a computer system?

There are days when I feel this way. Then there are days when I think that way.

Sometimes, even when you have the thought, you need to develop the feel to finally be able to do it. Thus it is just how a higher level language needs to be first converted to machine language code. Only then can it be executed. For us in this case the thought is the higher level language and the emotion is the lower level or machine language. (That I have used emotions and feelings interchangeably in the above discussion is inconsequential to me. I think the debate of their
difference of definition is purely academic.)

Then again I look at it in a different way and conclude differently.
Sometimes when I think a lot about something, the thinking gets fuzzier and fuzzier. Finally, there is just an emotion or feel left. That emotion or feel summarises the whole thought. Next time when I 'think that emotion' directly or indirectly, I am 'reminded of' all the thoughts I had thought. My mind can further derive and develop upon that thought by memerly attaching to and uploading that one summary emotion in memory. Such 'emotion thoughts' help me in every thing. Number processing, visualising, stc. So you see a very compact emotion carries in itself a lot of involved thought. Just like a single high level instruction may actually maps on to thousands of machine language instructions.

So what do you think? Emotions: The core form or the derived tool of the brain?
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Play the Movie, Play the Music, And with Words

Saturday, August 30, 2008
Seeta aur Geeta.
Sitar aur Guitar.

See the striking similarily in their nature and their sound?
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Total internal reflection

Many of my fellow bloggers reflect intensely about themselves and write deep heavy posts about such internal reflections. I always wondered why I don't do that. Today I realised that its because of a phenomenon of physics - Total internal reflection.

Suppose you shine a beam of light on a glass surface. Some of it will get reflected back. Some of it will be absorbed by the glass and some will continue to pass into the glass after bending by some angle (refraction). However, when light tries to do the opposite, i.e. go from glass to air if its angle of incidence is larger than some value called 'critical angle of incidence', whole of it gets reflected back inside the glass. None of it comes out in the air. This is called total internal reflection. It happens only when both these conditions are satisfied:

1)Light is trying to go from a denser medium to a rarer medium (e.g. glass to air).
AND
2) Its angle of incidence is larger than a certain critical angle.

Now, you see, I am a thick skulled being (figuratively).
A thick skull is obviously a denser medium. So when some thought of self-enLIGHTenment tries to come out of my mind, it has to cross the thick skull, coming from my brain. Thus it has to go from rarer (very few neurons in the whole big cranium) to denser medium (thick skull). This is opposite of the required condition 1). Since comdition is not met,

Total Internal Reflection

never occurs ;). I can't violate natural laws of physics can I?

P.S: What do you call a geeky reptile?
A : A gecko?
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Hasta la Vista Baby!

So we have long been hearing how Microsoft will stop selling Wndows XP altogether on Jan 31st 2009 and extend support for it only till April 14 2009.

Thus it wants to force the customers to switch to Vista.

For the customer, its
Hasta la Vista Baby! (Bring home Vista with a smile)
or
Hasta la Vista Baby!

(Yes yes. Another one of my inane phonetics posts)
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What the heck? Posting anyways.

Friday, August 29, 2008
I am the Don!
I am the Key to eveything!

I am the DonKey!

DonKey ko pakadna Moose-kill hi nahin, Na-Monkey-n hai!
-----------------------------------------------------------------
Posted 10 mins later: Even more nonsense:

DonKey ko pakad lengey toh Key karangey?
Lock karangey!
After all Amitabh ji hi toh Don thae na! "Lock kiya jaye!"

Wait did you say "Lock kiya Jaya?"
"Abhi?"
"Par Ash-a kyon karengey?"
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A genuine and wonderful reason to watch a movie!

Thursday, August 28, 2008
This is a true story of a son of my father's office friend. The kid really hated Shah Rukh Khan and made it a point not to watch his movies. This incident happened when he was in school.

So one day, when my father's friend returned from work he was surprised to see his son watching a Shah Rukh Khan movie.

"Son, I thought you hate Shah Rukh Khan?"
"I do"
"So how come you are watching his movie today?"
"Oh well. You see at the end of this movie, he dies. So."
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Future anthem of corrupt bribe-taking Indian officials

Ghoos de baap. Dey be! Dey be!
Ghoos de baap. Dey be! Dey be!
Ghoos de baap, dey be dey be....de maaal.
De maaal......De maaaal!

(Spoof of

Who's the baap baby baby?
Who's the baap baby baby?
Who's the baap baby baby...Dhamaal!
Dhama...aal.... Dhamaaal!

from the movie dhamaal)
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Height of synechdoche

Sometimes you may have come across a guy who brags how he 'laid' a particular female.

I find this not only cheap but also funny.

I mean "Laid a girl!"? What is the girl, an egg?
Then by similar use of synechdoche, a guy must be just a sperm eh?

(Please do not try to make sense of this post ;) )

--------------------------------------------------------

//I mean "Laid a girl!"? What is the girl, an egg?

On second thoughts, if we assume that the girl is indeed an egg, what's the guy, an hen?

Hmm on one hand "Laid a girl" implies Guy = sperm

On the other hand "Laid a girl" implies Guy = hen

So what is the the correct implication?

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Doing math does not a mathematician make

Wednesday, August 27, 2008
Add 2 numbers. Thats maths by definition.
Add 2 numbers of 9999 digits each. Thats 'challenging' maths, speaking of magnitude.
But doing such simple math of epic proportions is not what qualifies you as a real 'mathematician'.

In Indian IT industry, we do programming ; dumb outsourced programming.
True, its 'programming' by definition. True its 'challenging'. But only in magnitude.
By doing it, you can't call yourself a real 'programmer'. Dumb.

I was a real programmer at heart. I wrote better programs in my 1st year of college. here its mostly about managing 'challenging' projects.

I feel sick here Is there any future for me in 'IT'?
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

P.S : Quick Trivia: What do I call my experience in the 'Indian IT industry'?
Answer : Dumb Outsourced Programming Experience (DOPE)

But this dope does not give you any high. Though, it does make you numb. And dumb. What's worse, you get 'withdrawal symptoms' while you are actually into it. Symptoms clearly indicating that you want to withdraw.
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Hmm I may have to go underground after posting this

Monday, August 25, 2008
Q : What do you call a trash can full to the brim with garbage?
A : Obviously,
"A laden bin."
Or to phrase it more poetically,
"a Bin, Laden."

Now I better go into hiding. Else I am done for!

-------------------------------------------------------
P.S: On second thoughts, I will not go underground into hiding. After all thats where he too is! So if I don't want to bump into him after proting this, I better not go there ;)

So be miserable/happy. I'll be overground and continue blogging ;)
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The best code crakers in the world!

Thay are none other than........................ta-da!!!!!!!!!!!!!! The boys who attend to the juice'n'shakes parlour at my office!

You don't beleive it? Read on.

Juice-bar-attendant-boy: "Kounsa shake?"
Casual-IT-worker-guy: "Papaya Banana."

(thoughts of a mere mortal like me:
Papaya + Banana combination shake ? (yuck?)
or
1 Papaya and 1 Banana shake?)

But! The super correct interpratation of super sleuth Juice-bar-attendant boy?
"OK! So this guy wants Papaya Shake!"

But still the order is not precise and complete. So our super sleuth probes further,"Kitna mangta hai?"

Casual-IT-worker-guy replies,"Ek Do."

I am still trying to gather my mind reeling from the comfusion whether this guy wants Ek Papaya Shake or Do Papaya Shake. But our juice-bar-super-smarty? He super-smartly shouts the order to the guy inside the kitchen "Saab ko Ek Papaya Shake Do!"

Only then did I understand what the customer had said "Ek Do : Give One". Sheesh why could I not think of it! [ ;) ]

But then even the best can falter.
Today it happened.

While I was waiting for my 'Pineapple-juice-without-sugar' one fellow came in a rush.
"Chickoo. Late ho raha hai! Jaldi!"
What did they serve him? Chocolate shake!
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The first word of SMS lingo came to India in 1929.

Friday, August 22, 2008
In 1929, they launched a 'beauty' soap in India.
It was supposedly the one which enhanced the looks of people, especially film-stars.
So they decided to name it 'Looks'!

But they thought 'Lux' is a cooler spelling!

Thus India was introduced to the SMS lingo, long before the world was introduced to pagers or mobiles.

-Stupidosaur

P.S : Honestly, dont beleive any of the above bozo-buzz. To get your facts straight, read this, from which I actually got the year 1929.

P.S. : Cool! I added a new word to English : Bozo-Buzz

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आज मैं जीवन का सही मतलब जान गया !

सदियों से महान तत्वचिंतान्तकों के मन में यही सवाल उठता रहा है,
"आखिर जीवन का मतलब क्या है?"

आज मुझे इस गंभीर प्रश्न का उत्तर मिल गया है!
किसी भी ऊंची ईमारत की तल् मंजिल (Ground floor) और पहली मंजिल (First floor) को मिलाकर जो बनता है, बस यही जीवन (G 1) है!

शुक्रिया उस 'लिफ्ट' (Lift) का, जिसमें सफर करते वक्त उसके बटनों का नीचे से ऊपर तक अभ्यास करने से मुझे यह गहरे मर्म का साक्षात्कार हुआ

-स्टूपिडोसौर

(P.S: Hint: Ha Ha Ha)











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It can't get better than this

Wednesday, August 20, 2008
Ladies, don't you all wish your man would keep getting better and bettter?
At?
Well at everything that matters to you.

But be careful. If he keeps getting better and better, till he will reach his limit. Then he will turn into a razor or some shaving device!

"Gillette - The best a man can get"

But maybe you will not mind. Earlier he caressed your legs. Same will continue.
With a slight difference. Earlier, it happened after you shaved your legs. Now it will be during maybe
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Junkie Monkey, u'r Sunkey!

In the title,
Sunkey = 'Kewl' extention of Sunk rhyming with Monkey and Junkie
Sunkey = सनकी (Mad in Hindi)
-----------------------------------------------------------------------
For softies who drink soft drink:
If you drink pepsi a lot, all you will think is "My Can!". That is meaningless bloody wrong English.
If you drink fruit juices (Read: unfermented :) ) and such beverages, you will think "I can!". This is bloody good English and a rocking thought to think!













--------------------------------------------------------------

"Have a potato wafer."
"No thanks."
"Have one..."
"No I really shouldn't..."
"Just one?"
"No I can't.."
"Oh come on just one!"
"No"

Ruffles Lays! Ruffles Lays! No one can eat just one.

Good if such day comes when no one does.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------
Some junk foods claim they are fat-free.
So is Cyanide

Some Junk foods have zero trans-fats.
So does Cyanide.

Some Junk foods have low sodium content.
Most forms of Cyanides do not have sodium in their chemical structure.

Cynide kills.
I rest my case.
You guess the rest.

Junkie monkey put yourself in a hypothetical zoo cage which has a sign put up "Do not feed the animals (with junk)"
-Stupidosaur
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Pantene selected the wrong beauty queen?

Tuesday, August 19, 2008
Sushmita says, "Lakhon Sushmitaon ki yahi hai rai" :P
Pantene should have signed Aishwarya for the ad.

"Lakhon Aishwaryaon ki yahi hai Rai!" :P

Or maybe they figured she is already Bachchan so better take the one with denser hair for Pantene shampoo ad.
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Lagey Raho Prem Rogue Bhai

Monday, August 18, 2008
Prem.
a.k.a Prem Chopra.
a.k.a Prem

The wicked scheming & lecherous look. Perfect.

I think thats why Sushmita Sen is lipsynced a song dedicated to him.
"Laga laga laga rey....
Laga laga laga rey....
Laga laga laga rey laga Prem rogue!"

Ekdum barabar laga tumko!
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Stay tuned

Intution can be tuned.

To tune a radio, you need to have a radio first.

But of course you can get or make a radio if you want.

-Stupidosaur
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Pappu MBA Saala!

I wonder what would have happened if there had been 'MBAs' since a few centuries earlier and if they would have been valued as much too.

Humanity may possibly have been richer and profit making, but perhaps not as developed.

No I dont think I am contradicting myself in the sentence above.
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Miley XX mera tumhara?

On occassion of Independence day and its after effects, DD Bharati (Or was it DD India?) (Its one of the free-to-air direct-to-home TV channels, which are the only channels we get at our house ;) ) was airing the wonderful 2 decade old song Miley Sur Mera Tumhara this weekend.

Almost every time I went to that channel (during breaks in program on some other channel), this song was playing.

It somehow gave me goosebumps every time I heard it over this weekend, even though the sound system of our TV itself is 2 decades old. Maybe its because of nostaligia, or maybe the kinda people I see in it are the kinds I relate(d) more to. These days I don't relate much to anybody. Maybe the because the song is stored in some special part of my brain. Maybe I associate it with the 'Those were the days' days. Whatever the reason, the song thrilled me every time from Friday to Sunday. Infact, the first time I heards it this weekend, I was able to predict and chant (although gibberish to me) the wierd lyrics of all many of the languages after their respective introductory music! (Even though I don't have the faintest idea which language it was that I was singing ;), let alone the meaning of the 'gibberish')

But one thing hit me, which had never hit me before.
In the final scene, little children in saffron, white and green come running from 3 directions and form the tricolour. But in that, the saffron and green are worn by boys. Only the white strip is made of girls. Sex ratio of 1:2 ????? Are they trying to indicate thats where India is headed???!!!!!!

(I am sure green strip was all boys and white all girls. I tried to concentrate so many times at the saffron. Could not confirm if it was all boys. Though I definitely could not classify any one of them as girl. At last I have settled for all boys saffron. Let me know if any of you actually happens to see that song, and in that rare event, if you can confirm any girl in the saffron strip)
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A potential hit oldie movie that never got released

Thursday, August 14, 2008
Yesterday one of my friends in the movie industry sent me an old movie cassette starring Amitabh Bachhan, Rakhi, and Amjad Khan the terrible. The movie never got released because of some inauspicious mysterious happenings, which led the film producers to burn all the original copies of the movie. My friend, who was the chai delivery 'chhotu' for the set back then had sneaked out one of the copies from under everybody's noses. A few decades alter, i.e. yesterday he gave the cassette to me as a belated friendship day gift.
We watched the movie together. It was just too good. Especially the climax scene.

In the climax scene, we see Rakhi tied up by Amjad Khan and his Kutte just like Basanti of Sholay.
What do you think happened next?

No the hero did not cut off the ropes with his well aimed gun shots. He did not beat the crap out of the goonda and his cronies and rescue the dame. Instead he said something which might have made bollywood history if the movie had been released.

"Kutton, kameenon, sharm nahin aati tumhe! Ladkiyon waaley kaam karte ho! Rakhi bandhte ho! Chheee!"

The ruff-tuff, macho and disgusting looking thugs were so embarrassed when they realised the SISsy nature of their action that they immediately untied Rakhi they had tied;).

If you had not guessed by now, here goes the disclaimer:
I have "A Beautiful Mind". This means, the friend mentioned above is imaginary. Just like the movie, its producers, the inauspicious happenings, the cassette and the climax scene :). This just happened to be my new "flavour of the month" joke!

So happy rakshabandhan.
And before that, Happy Independence day!

By the way they are thinking of making a remake and have approached Rakhi Sawant for the female lead.
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The Industrialist Joggy and Other Nonsense

Tuesday, August 12, 2008
Q: Which Indian industrialist son of an industrialist probably introduces himself in James Bond Style?
"Bond. James Bond!"

A: "A knee. Lamba knee!"

(Probably his knee got long because he jogs so much)
(But what the heck is a long knee?)

On the same lines, Angelina Jolie also has a funnny name
Un Jali Na Jali
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A 'profound' thought for the डे

I MMS.
Kaise mess?
SMS!

meaning

I am a mess.
कैसे mess?
ऐसे mess!

-Stupidosaur

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To spoil your snack ;)

Wednesday, August 6, 2008
Q: What do you get when you put a Veg Grilled Cheese Sandwich in a freezer?
A: A Veg Chilled Grease Sandwich.
-Stupidosaur
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No I am not a novice anymore....just a memory of when I was one

Why did they have to make Supervisor sound like 'Super-Wiser'

Why did they have to make Novice sound a variant of 'No-wise'?

Some people begin to assume that the phonetics are actually meaningful. Hmmmmpfff!

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Ek Fun-kar

I wonder if Roughie* ever tried a Smoothie.

*Mohammad Roughie Sahab


And just to check correct spelling of Rafi's first name, I googled Rafi. The first entry?

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Rafians Tribute to a true Maestro - Mohd Rafi
The site is all about Indian legendary playback singer Mohommad Rafi.www.mohdrafi.com/ - 41k - Cached - Similar pages

---------------------------------------------------------

I always thought Rafi songs are peacful and soulful and so assumed his fans to be like that too.

But Rafians? Ruffians? LOL!

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Cattlepoop and Cowdung? Bullshit I say!

Thursday, July 31, 2008
"This is bullshit man!"
**beeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeep!**
**Feminist wrath alert!**

So I Better change it to
"This is cowdung woman!"

**beeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeemp!**
**The politically correct are still protesting!**

Okay fine I'll settle for
"This is cattlepoop person!"

Happy now? Nice eh?

Sheeesh.
This is really irritating. Having to analyse every thing one might say just like that and weed it for 'gender specific language' and then change it to something more 'appropriate'.

I think the 'feminists' and 'politically correct' are lacking perspective here. Let me shed some light for them.

When I use a generic sentence, with 'he' in it referring to a generic person, then that's exactly what I am doing, viz. referring to a generic person.

As case in point, let me present to you a sentence which according to me is nice, innocent, generic, gender-unbiased sentence:

"What does a person do when he is fed up of some narrow minded folks not allowing him to use a sentence like this one?"

Some folks advice using both the pronouns:
"What does a person do when he/she is fed up of some narrow minded folks not allowing him/her to use a sentence like the first one above?"

"He/she"? "Him/her?"
How clumsy is that!!!

In that case some people suggest (or rather insist) on using plural pronoun 'they' in place of 'he/she'. Like this...

"What doe people do when they are fed up of some narrow minded folks not them to use a sentence like the first one above?"

But what if I want to talk about one person only, and not people? I think this just does not cut it :P.

Open your minds people. Humankind (see how I am cleverly avoiding 'mankind', since I haven't yet made my point) has been using 'he' as generic pronoun for centuries now. Does not mean all 'mankind' was made up of MCPs who insisted on using the masculine pronouns to make females feel excluded. In fact, aren't females supposed to be the language developers, the communicators?

Anyways, whatever secrets history has buried, this is my post-historic, present day take on it.
You see, women are special kind of men.

SHe is a Special kind of He.

WoMen-Could mean special Men who make other Men go Wooohooo!
WoMen-Could mean special Men who have Wombs.
WoMen-Could mean the special Men whom other Men Woo.

It is just like IBM RedBooks are nothing but a particular kind of books from IBM which traditionally had their covers all red and hence the name.

So which is more generic? Books or Redbooks?
When i make a general statement about books, such as

"Thick fat books are good for raising the level of your computer monitor.",

does it also not include the idea that
"Thick fat Redbooks are good for raising the level of your computer monitor."?

Similarly,
When I use 'he' in a generic way, it includes 'she'
When I use 'man' or 'mankind' in a generic way, it includes 'woman' and 'womankind'

I mean did you all not read about "Evolution of Man" in school?
Does it mean women did not evolve?

Even in hindi, we have the generic 'Insaan' for human. It is a generic word and yet 'masculine'.
So does it mean "Auratein insaan nahin hai"? (Does it mean "Women are not human"?)
Nope. Its not at all that way. Even though 'Insaan' is masculine, it includes men & women (kids too)
Similarly even though 'he' is masculine, it includes men and women (kids too).

And just think how many bytes we will be saving on the world wide web, if nobody insists on using 'they' (4 characters) or 'he/she' (6 characters) instead of 'he' (only 2 characters :))

And its not just storage. Every time those extra characters are used, they will need additional processing by the digital circuits. Think about energy crisis! Think about global warming!

OK Now I will rest this case.
Now I will rest this nutcase I meant.
I mean this nutcase will now go to sleep.
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Ka Fata? Fataka!

I guess this one is self explanatory. ;P

(Yes I know its a new emoticon :P + ;) )
Cos thats how I'm feeling. Blue and sarcastically joking.
-----------------------------------------------------
This is posted 40 mins after first posting:

Maybe, unknown to me the bomb blasts were somewhere at the back of my mind to give rise to such a phrase. Realised only now.
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ASPIRINg

Wednesday, July 30, 2008
When a person suffers from the malady of AspirinG for to much or too little, would an Aspirin be the right medicine?
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A Story About Career (s)Kills

They needed some light.

They asked around.

They were told, get an electric one, which just needs to be connected to the standard electric supply to get the light.

They were also told, it will hardly consume about 60Watts power and meet all their lighting needs.



So away they went, looking for the 60 Watts electric device to meet their needs.



On the way, they met a fan.

"Hello there good device!"

The fan 'turned around' to look at them (it was a revolving fan you see ;))

"Yes sirs?"

"Are you an electric device?"

"Yes my good sirs."

"How much wattage do you charge your benefactors?"

"Hardly 60 Watts kind sirs!"

A wave of cheer passed all around,"Lets pop the champagne! We found our man oops... device!"

"Come with us good device, your life will be made, we will make you the ornament of our room and feed you with the choicest of perfectly sinusoidal, absolutely harmonics free electric supply!"


The fan couldn't believe his good fortune. He readily accompanied them.


They had the fan installation party that evening. Someone complimented the fan how great he was, with CE certification mark, ISO certification mark, and all that chutzpah! That evening the fan felt on top of the world.

(And that was quite 'fitting', because that wall-mount stand and that room was going to be his world from that evening, and he was sitting on top of it)


Next day, expecting to get some light, they switched-on the fan. They fan, on getting the refreshing cool blue waves of electricity, immediately started revolving.

The light-seekers just looked on, waiting for some light, somewhat confused, somewhat irked.
But they did not want to offend the fan, who was new and supposed to be so good with all those great recommendations and certification marks to back him up. And besides, they really needed some light and were ready to play the patience game if it got them some.

Few days went by in this way. They would switch on the fan. The fan would proudly do what it did the best. Sometimes it even commented, expecting some praise,"Nice cool breeze huh?"
The light-seekers sometimes responded, "Sure buddy, you sure know some 'cool' tricks". Sometimes they just smiled a pale, polite and fake smile. But one day, their patience ran out. So they retorted, "Thats all very fine, but you better get down to business soon. We aren't allowing you to guzzle all that electricity for nothing."

The fan was shocked and confused! It just stammered, "But..but...!"

While leaving, the light-seeker said in a harsh, incisive voice, "From tomorrow, you better stop dillydallying and put yourself to some serious work!"

The fan stood very still that night. It was a long night. Full of loneliness, cluelessness, emptyness and a lot of soul-searching. After digging deep into its soul, located in the ferromagnetic core of its windings, the fan arrived at a decision. He concluded, that maybe he was not giving his 100% when serving the master. Or perhaps, the master needed him to give more than that to be pleased. So he will spin harder...and harder....and harder...till his master is happy.

So from the next day, he spun harder...faster...spinning with all his dedication and might. By the end of the week, the fan was utterly exhausted. It coils got heated up. It got fever. But the masters just scowled. "Wonder when I am going to get some light around here!", the fan heard one of them mutter while leaving in a huff.

The fan thought and thought and thought. He resolved that he will give light! But since it was a fan, its thoughts as well as actions were limited only to spinning.
So it spun and spun, and the spun some more. And then it spun even harder. But still there was no sign of light. So the fan put in even more resolve and dedication into his actions, hoping that there will be light. But and resolve or dedication the fan put in could only get converted to more and more vigorous spinning.

At last, the motor of the fan heated up too much. It grew red hot. There was a red glow in the room! The fan had at last fulfilled his masters' wish! He had given out light.

The next moment it died. Literally a case of work related burnout, because of being caught in the wrong job.

:(
*Sob*

Even if a fan and bulb are both electrical devices, and even if both may consume same power, and hence same at the statistical abstract level as measured by the electricity meter, a fan is a fan and a bulb is a bulb. Never get a fan to do a bulb's job. And vice-versa.

(I have a similar story made up in which a bulb is caught up in a fan's job and dies due to work related burnout, but some other time :) )
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Monday, July 28, 2008

What do you do when you just feel like you want to roll over and lie, never to get up?

Yeah Yeah Stupid is 90 year old baba these days.

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Potential character for a wierd psychological novel

What does a person do if he/she has no ability to smile?
I mean what if his/her facial muscles are just fine, but brain cant process smiling activity?
What kinda person can laugh, but not smile.
On the rare occassions that smile happens, it happens only if it happens before the brain realizes what is happening.
Otherwise, even when the person feels like smiling to a certain extent, the brain cant take it to competion by slight voluntary effort.

So when others smile, the person cant smile back.
Over the period, the person becomes phobic to smile, because the moment someone smiles, these things happen simultaneously in the mind of the person:
That person is happy tp see me. (old chum/known person)
Let me smile back.
(a nanosecond passes. no smile appears).
Oh no, smile quick, or the person will take it as a negaitive vibe.
(Another nanosecond passes. No smile, instead, a slightly strained look due to the effort in trying)
The other person's expression begins to involuntarily change on seeing a smile met with strained expression.
(The 'no-smile' person notices and within a flash realises that the inevitable has happened.
The lack of smile is going to cause loss of one more person. The 'no-smile person' feels a silent rage at self for such a limitation. But even though the silent rage does not reach vocal chords, it reaches the face. Now, even though a 'no-smile' person is effectively an alien on earth because of it, the anatomy of the person is not actually so. So in order to express that rage, the person does not have eyes on alien tentacles, that can be moved towards oneself when expressing any feeling for self.
So under the limitation imposed by human anatomy, the eyes of the persojn still happened to look at that other person while that look of anger and hatred filled them. So the other person thought it was meant for him/her.
Whammy!
One more friend lost! Or maybe one more enemy made!
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